Teens do not want to lowerage of consent

I AM a counselling psychologist and psychotherapist who works with teenagers.

I designed and co-facilitate a drugs prevention and personal development programme in secondary schools in Cork city and county. Part of this programme involves relationship and sex education. A colleague and I are therefore privy to much of what goes on in the teenage world.

With regard to the debate on the age of consent, you may be interested in what our young people think. Every year we ask their opinion on such matters and, for the past five years, according to our records, the vast majority of 15 to 17-year-olds believe the age of consent should be 17 or older.

The reasoning behind this is that, generally, they feel that until they are 17 or older, they are not in a position to make mature decisions about intimacy and sexual relationships. They also feel ill-equipped due to the lack of information available to them either at home or in schools.

Then there is the issue of boundaries. While teenagers complain about rules and limits, they are, at some level, aware of the advantages of having limits set. For example, many teenagers may say they are not allowed out when, in fact, they may not want to go out. Similarly, if there is a ‘rule’ prohibiting a certain behaviour, it can serve as a safety net , an ‘escape hatch’, for the nervous or unwilling teenager. To say, ‘I’m not allowed’, can bring much relief.

As adults, it is our job to set boundaries for teenagers, with their health and safety in mind. It is their job to push against these boundaries. This is how we teach healthy behaviour and influence healthy decision making.

I have heard the argument that teenagers will have sex regardless of the age of consent. This may be true. But it is still our responsibility to create a frame of reference teenagers can use in making their decisions.

If the age of consent is 16 for girls, many 16-year-olds will feel they should be having sex. Many older men will tell them it’s OK to have sex because that’s the law. This will make 16-year-old girls vulnerable to older, predatory men.

There is also another issue. Through the media, young people are being bombarded with sexual imagery. Our children are becoming sexualised at an alarming rate. Lowering the age of consent gives the dangerous message that we believe 16-year-olds are mature enough to handle sex and all that goes with it.

How wise our children are to feel 16 is too young. They want to protect themselves, their friends and their siblings. Oh, hang on, isn’t that our job?

Sally O’Reilly

Shandon Court

Richmond Hill

Cork