Bush is hearing voices again, so keep a close eye on your SSIAs

IF, as Shakespeare once almost remarked, you have any SSIAs to shed, prepare to spend them now.

The bard may not have been celebrated as a financial consultant, but he was a shrewd enough commentator on the political and social issues of the day.

If he were around today, he might just be writing about bunkers as a good investment for that windfall.

Nuclear bunkers, that is.

Shakespeare never had to worry about the price of a gallon of ink. Well, not in the way that modern economies must depend on a different kind of black stuff.

As we are all now painfully aware, diesel and petrol prices are likely to hit the roof because US President George W Bush, has a serious dose of the sulks with Iran.

He seems to know about these things and believes Iran is going into the nuclear weapons business, although they maintain their nuclear programme is purely to generate electricity.

But Dubya has the edge because he hears voices. Only this week he admitted as much at a White House press conference. One of them was probably God’s.

In trying to discuss world affairs with the Almighty, which he does regularly, Dubya either got a distorted connection or a crossed line.

It doesn’t really matter which because he uses God merely to confirm his own opinions and, anyway, it goes down well with the Bible Belt electorate if they believe he’s on speaking terms with Himself.

However, the prospect of a litre of petrol reaching €1.20 - or more - is the least of his concerns.

The real worry is that the Yanks are paying around $3 for putting a gallon of gasoline in the tank and, domestically, Dubya must be seen to be doing something about it. If that messes up your SSIA plans, then tough luck.

If Iran fails to fall into line and desist forthwith from building a nuclear device other than to keep the home fires burning, then Dubya has his own device to make them see his brand of sense.

It’s called a nuclear bomb, and his little finger is hovering over the button, so I sincerely hope he’s given up the drink like he has said. Now is not the time to get a dose of the DTs.

Because of the increased tension over Iran, and the fact that diplomacy is not working, Dubya didn’t put a tooth in it the other day. He was asked directly at a press conference if his administration was planning for the possibility of a nuclear strike against Iranian nuclear facilities.

“All options are on the table,” he replied, with about the same deadpan expression as if he had been asked whether he was having sparkling or still water.

He was like another powerful man on a Good Friday - a publican - who decides whether a discreet knock would open the side door. It might, if he wanted it to.

All Dubya’s talk about options does not impress the Iranians because, as their Defence Minister Mostafa Mohammed Najjar said, the Yanks have been threatening the country for something like 27 years.

They may have been, but on the other hand the US has not been afflicted with Dubya for that length of time.

The White House is not alone in not wanting to see the Iranians with the nuclear option, but Bush is the only one talking about using it.

Neither do the Russians. They have made it plain to the US, Britain, France, Germany and China that not alone are they not in favour of sanctions against Iran, they don’t want even to know about the use of force.

The Chinese, like the Russians, have a vested interest in not having the nuclear crackers going off in Iran as Sinopec, its state-owned oil company, has signed a $70 billion deal with them and they would like to collect.

China, apparently, needs a lot of oil, and while it uses about 6.5 million barrels a day, it is second to the US, which uses something like 20 million barrels every day.

The UN security council has given Tehran until April 28 - another week - to quit work on making enriched uranium.

That might not be a bad day by which to have your mind made up about what you’re going to do with the SSIAs.

Something may not happen that soon, but Dubya, as we know, isn’t inclined to hang around for the UN, especially if things are not going his way.

Remember what happened over Iraq and the Kyoto agreement?

DUBYA is so self-righteous that he refused to accept the resignation - not once but twice - of one of the people who urged him to invade Iraq, Donald Rumsfeld, his Secretary of Defence.

Not that he offered his resignation over the invasion of Iraq, but because of the world’s shocked reaction when it learned, and witnessed, the scandal at Abu Ghraib prison.

Now that Bush has passed up two opportunities to get rid of him, Rumsfeld knows he can do what he likes.

That’s one of the reasons why he’s not worried at the fact that six retired generals - five of whom either commanded troops in Iraq or were directly involved in drawing up the war plans - have called for his resignation.

They accused him of ignoring sensible military advice and ruling by intimidation.

Another reason why Rumsfeld refuses to resign is that his six military accusers are retired, but the fact that they are only three-star generals can’t have helped his considerable ego either.

If they had a few more stars on their shoulders, he might reconsider - just might.

In any case, all this talk about resignation made his boss hear voices telling him to ignore them.

“I hear the voices. And I read the front page. But I’m the decider. And I decide what’s best.

“And what’s best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defence,” said the most powerful man in the world who hears voices.

Apparently, the voices said nothing about the resignations of one of his top advisers, Karl Rove, or his press secretary, Scott McClellan.

But the voice of the Democratic national chairman, Howard Dean, was loud and clear: “After having his hand in nearly every bad Bush policy decision and nearly every scandal that has consumed the Bush White House, it is not surprising that Karl Rove was demoted...”

Of his press secretary’s decision George Dubya - briefly - remarked: “It’s going to be hard to replace Scott. But, nevertheless, he’s made the decision and I accept it.”

Both of the President’s men departed the White House on Wednesday night, probably to build bunkers at the bottom of the garden as their former master’s unpopularity level scrapes the bottom of the barrel.