Any one of this coalition of wasters could win the Drumcondra Plate

IT dawned on me this week why the Comptroller and Auditor General publishes a report on the overspending by various Government departments every year.

It's not just a report, it's a league table.

It measures how each department wastes money, the objective being that one outdoes the other, whether it's Environment or Health, Education or Transport.

At the end of every year, usually coinciding with the publication of the auditor general's report, there's an awards ceremony and the department that wasted most of taxpayers' money gets a gong from Taoiseach Bertie Ahern.

Known to those in the circle as the Drumcondra Plate, it's a much coveted award, but only takes place behind closed doors, like many other things which would only tempt public curiosity.

This year the Department of Health narrowly missed the top gong because the league was published before we knew they had misspent about €150 million.

That award went instead to Bertie's own Department of An Taoiseach for the €35 million it wasted on the collapsed MediaLab project.

Technically, the Revenue Commissioners could consider a challenge to that decision as they could have been clear winners had they wasted the €173 million they didn't bother gathering in, but simply wrote off as uncollected taxes.

I suppose that, under the rules, taxpayers' money must be wasted on something, and that clause would disqualify the revenue lads, who are very familiar with clauses.

At one stage, the Cabinet considered having a category for the department which had shown particular initiative in losing public money consistently, but this idea was shot down almost unanimously.

It was felt that the Department of Transport was in a league of its own, being €12 billion yes, BILLION over budget on road projects and four years behind schedule.

What a target to beat and some day some other department will do so.

With a budget of €11 billion, this year's near-winner, the Department of Health, aided and abetted by the Health Services Executive, can't be dismissed and, on its present form, would be given good odds by Paddy Power.

The Cabinet might also consider the establishment of a Bluffer's Award, dedicated to ministers who obviously do not know what they're talking about, but do so with remarkable aplomb.

You might be tempted to suggest that all 15 members of the cabinet would qualify, and who would utter a contradiction, but the first prize should go to the Taoiseach spectacularly.

In the midst of a Dáil debate on the PPARS computer fiasco, he demonstrated that reality is so far removed from budgets, they're not even distantly related.

"As far as anyone spending abusing any money anywhere, this Government is entirely opposed to it," said our Taoiseach, who is paid more than the British Prime Minister, Tony Blair.

A runner-up would have to be our Minister for Health, and Tánaiste, Mary Harney. Amazingly, she admitted she had not had a clue that there were so many different work practices or "incoherences," as she called them within the health service.

Another revelation from the Tánaiste was about consultants, or our Shadow Government. She actually told the Dáil, during the same debate on PPARS, that she was concerned at the "extraordinary and excessive" fees paid to outside consultants, particularly Deloitte and Touche.

Is the woman for real? It was the HSE for whom she is responsible who gave them such "extraordinary and excessive" fees!

The HSE has paid so much in consultants' fees that they're a million miles from the breadline.

By the end of last year they had paid €39m, and €18.5m so far this year. The bulk of the consultancy costs has been paid to one firm, Deloitte and Touche.

According to a letter seen by the Irish Examiner, the bulk of the consultancy fees have been paid to that firm, which this year amounts to €13.5m, and they may have been paid as much as €50m in total.

I hasten to add that the letter seen by the Irish Examiner was the same one which Fine Gael obtained under the Freedom of Information Act.

Unlike Irish Ferries, Deloitte and Touche believes in the taxpayer paying the staff the going rate and what a rate. D&T has suppled 25 to 30 personnel who, FG reckoned, were paid between €1,000 and €3,000 a day per employee.

THE attitude of the Government in relation to your money and mine was reflected in a comment the Minister for Communications, Marine and Natural Resources, Noel Dempsey, made on RTÉ's Morning Ireland. He said that in a €41 billion budget, the level of misspent money relating to PPARS was relatively very, very small.

Not just small, but very, very small. In other words, €150m wasn't big enough to register on the Government's waste radar. It begs the question as to what is. How much money must any one minister, or department, squander before anyone of them is forced to resign. Or even think of adopting such a course themselves.

Obviously, it's not €50m, or Martin Cullen wouldn't now have his feet tucked under the Cabinet table as Transport Minister in the wake of the electronic voting he insisted on while Environment Minister, despite the best advice to the contrary.

The Government, dodging a serious problem, just sent him to another ministry.

To become even a blip on the waste radar must be considerably more than €150m because there's no sign of Health Minister Mary Harney taking herself off to a nearby trolley and doing penance, like most of the hospital patients she promised to look after when she demanded the job.

It has to be more than €200m because Taoiseach Bertie Ahern told the Dáil that while he accepted the introduction of a new computer system for the health service had not been handled well, they should continue to try to get it right.

The man was so embarrassed that only €150m had been wasted on the system he couldn't bear to mention by name PPARS. If the Taoiseach is sincere about getting it right, the taxpayer can expect to see another €20m going out the window.

Is it any wonder that someone in the Department of Finance expressed "serious concern at the nature and cost of the support services being provided by Deloitte."

The next general election could be sponsored by Deloitte & Touche, not from any political ideology but for the simple reason they will be well able to afford it.

It will also help them maintain a healthy bank balance if the current administration are returned because they've got consultant phobia they can't run a government without expensive outside help.

Touché, Mr Deloitte!