Time to finish my book would be a novel idea

I once interviewed a wealthy author of popular novels, who said the only way to finish writing a book was to lock oneself away in one’s second home with just the housekeeper — not the butler — and spend four to six weeks keyboard-bashing without distraction.

What sensible advice. If I had a second home, I’d be on the blower as we speak, ordering the butler to air the writing salon and polish the biros, for I, too, am at the end of writing a novel. Just one more concentrated burst of and-then-and-then-and-then, before I type ‘The End’.

In the absence of a second home, and the first one being overrun with dogs, lodgers and teenagers, my options are as limited as my time — leaving dogs, lodgers and teenagers unattended for four to six weeks might not be optimal. Instead, I calculate I have four to six days before the house is trashed by partying teenagers, chewed by crazed dogs, and vacated by irate lodgers. Still, that’s why coffee exists: to write faster.