No thanks, Barbara. I’ll have what he’s having

In a charity shop, I stumble across a copy of Barbara Cartland’s 1962 socio-cultural masterpiece, Etiquette Handbook: A Guide To Good Behaviour From The Boudoir To The Boardroom.

While much of the handbook deals with what to do should you find yourself in the same room as the queen, what is fascinating is how to behave in the bedroom. Of course it is. It’s what drives us.

What I want to know is what Barbara Cartland would have made of Tinder, or the fact that 91 million of us are using dating sites, and that 30% of all internet traffic is for — ahem — adults only. Barbara advises us to place a advert in The Times if an engagement has been broken off — how would she suggest we manage ghosting, bread crumbing, catfishing? What would be her thoughts on polyamory?