My sister's new house - A UFO called ‘Domestos’

My London sister has just moved into a new apartment with her girlfriend of two years. My mother is thrilled that my sister “is now finally settled with a partner who is not only nice and wholesome but also understands about things like expensive storage solutions, cleaning services and Pledge”.

It goes without saying we are all thrilled, me in particular: where once I only had one hi-tech, high-spec lesbian to write about, now I have two.

My sister’s new apartment is in the same complex as her old one, which she is now renting out to my nephew Fergus and his girlfriend Liv.