I want you to practise finding your boarding card in downloads

My three sisters and I have just arrived at our Airbnb apartment in Lisbon and bagsied bedrooms, with disappointing results; I got the box room and have taken my disappointment off to the toilet.

In here, I admire the wall tiles for a second or two before setting about washing my hands of journey-dirt, splashing my face with cold water and casting about for helpful thoughts such as, “beware of self pity” and “positivity breeds content,” in an effort to banish unhelpful ones like, “life’s a bitch and then you die.”

But now it seems the door lock is jammed. I am stuck in the toilet. And there is no room in my head for any thoughts at all besides escape.