Stop now Brexit —this is just (bendy) bananas

Brexit, says Milk The Cow podcast, is “Like when Geri Halliwell overestimated her viability as a solo artist and left the Spice Girls.”

As the rest of the Euro Spices stare transfixed, the way you would if you saw your unattractive middle aged neighbours doing hardcore BDSM in their front window with the lights on, Britain continues to chop its own head off to spite its face, rather than facing up to losing face by admitting the whole thing has been a gigantic cock-up. Nobody can get Britain to stop, despite the safe word being repeatedly screamed in 23 officially recognised EU languages from across the Channel.

Never mind the economy — the real issue here appears to be bendy bananas, foreign office cleaners and the wrong kind of lightbulb. Britain will go down in history as the place which self-destructed because some power-mad fibbers printed a made-up number on the side of a bus, and austerity-addled Little Britain believed it.