All I can do is sit still like a good girl and follow my sister’s dos and don’ts

I am in my London sister’s flat, on my best behaviour after doing handstands in her bedroom.

I’d have got away with the gymnastics if a coriander stem I’d used in a chilli hadn’t dislodged itself from my jumper and ended up on her bedroom floor.

But it did. And she spotted it, so the truth came out.