Mick Clifford: By God, we need something to liven up this drab presidential contest

Disgraced ex-MMA fighter Conor McGregor brought Ireland's listless presidential election to a new low. But Mick Clifford sees some merit in opening the race up to a sporting hero

L-R Roy Keane, Mairead McGuinness, Conor McGregor, Catherine Connolly, Michael Flatley, David Clifford. Montage Irish Examiner Visual Media

Esteemed citizens of Ireland, you who are voiceless, I hereby beseech you to consider electing a Clifford to be your president. Modesty and the current constitutional framework prevents me from nominating myself for this honour but I propose a petition advocating for the nomination of my namesake, David Clifford (no relation, unfortunately).

On the basis of the current runners and riders, Mr Clifford would make a suitable candidate. He has excelled at his sport, and is considered to be en route to the peak of greatness. I don’t know if he can dance like Michael Flatley, but he certainly has fast feet and hands. He exudes a winning smile and knows the correct knife and fork with which to eat at a big knees-up. What more could you ask for in your president?