'You can rely on me', sex abuser John McClean told victim

Paul Kennedy's victim impact statement as court told how Terenure College was a 'safe place for paedophiles' 

John McClean, a former teacher and rugby coach, of Casimir Avenue, Harolds Cross, Dublin 6. Pic: Collins Courts

Your honour, when I was at school in Terenure College it was a very safe place; for paedophiles. We had several to choose from, or should I say several we prayed would not choose to prey upon us.

As incoming new students, we were soon warned by the older boys of who was to be avoided, especially in a confined space. I learnt this the hard way.

John ‘Doc’ McClean was one of those we were warned against.

Your honour, please try to imagine how it felt to be taught the difference between right and wrong by men who were simultaneously trying to get their hands down your trousers.

From all those in authority; a minority offended by committing unspeakable acts the majority offended by not speaking up.

John McClean set his sights on me immediately after my father’s terminal cancer diagnosis, reassuring me that he’d look after and help me.

So began the grooming

“You can rely on me,” he said. 

And so began his grooming, that inexorable erosion of my innocence for his own callous warped desires.

What impact has this had on me for almost 50 years?

Well, as an English teacher in Terenure College once said to me: “Kennedy, you are truculent.” 

Is it any surprise I quickly became truculent or aggressively defiant and sought to outmanoeuvre the constant bullying, humiliation, and sexual sleaze that was our daily lot in Terenure College, epitomised by John McClean?

What did this make of me in my formative years?

I soon learnt to fight for survival using humour and cunning. 

As a mere boy, I was no match physically so I devised — along with so many other boys — ways to avoid the constant possibility of being groped, raped, humiliated, beaten or just bullied.

Those who promised to protect and nurture me became those who either wished to defile me or those who looked the other way. 

And so began a lifetime distrust of authority.

Paul Kennedy pictured outside Dublin Circuit Court Dublin this afternoon. Pic: Collins Courts

I developed a persona of non-conformity, I chose to live outside the system.

Now I don’t apportion blame for this on you, John McClean, nor on the facilitating College authorities, yet you did have a profound effect on me at a subconscious level. 

I have found that you can only suppress these experiences for so long and I was good at that for nearly 50 years.

Then in 2019, my first child was born. An amazing boy whose innocence and vulnerability tore down my defiant defences. 

It seems I didn’t know I had gold in my pockets until I was turned upside down. 

Took the power back

Something profound happened. I faced my past in Terenure College, I stopped running, I took my power back and remembered you in all your poisoned glory.

I so admired the small boy who resisted you, I saw his shining face again, I thanked him for saving me.

I took responsibility, I realised that often the Joker is the thief and yet you had stolen my innocence and there I was laughing it off as if it never mattered.

Holding my infant son in my arms, I gravely realised that laughing it off and saying ‘ah sure I survived’ was weakness and talking about the theft of my innocence and the enduring stain of paedophilia was in fact strength.

I am now 60 and I am responsible.

Yes, I survived your lechery.

Yet to thrive I have needed to acknowledge being stained by the experience, which lasted over two years.

To Quote Lady Macbeth:

What, will these hands ne'er be clean?

No more o' that, my lord, no more o' that:

You mar all with this starting.

For all my truculence, my ardent aggressive defiance cultivated in that school, it serves me not, for it has left me at 60 still living off my wits with a small beautiful boy to look after and out for.

You never once considered the impact you had on us as boys, let alone as men or old men. 

It does, however, give me great solace and pride to read this out and in so doing honour the young boy Paul Kennedy who was defiant and who did his damn best to dodge and sidestep your tackle and run out the gates of Terenure College into a tough old world but a safer one.

Paul Kennedy, January 31, 2023.