Children at Risk Ireland appeals for €85k to keep helpline open

Child sex abuse, far from being a historic scandal, is an 'ongoing crisis', according to Children at Risk Ireland who are appealing for funds to keep their helpline open. Picture: iStock

Child sex abuse is not a historic scandal but an “ongoing crisis” in Irish society, the country’s specialist charity treating abused children has said.

Children at Risk Ireland (Cari) says families affected are “silenced” because of the awfulness of the crime, the privacy needs of the child, and shame and stigma.

Cari is today launching a public appeal for urgent funding to keep their helpline operating, which they say provides a crisis service to parents, some of whom have to wait up to three years before they can access therapy at the charity.

Cari CEO and clinical officer Emer O’Neill said the €85,000 they need to raise will only keep the helpline — comprising two staff working 9am-5pm Monday to Friday — going, and does not include the funds needed to expand it to a 24/7 helpline.

“People talk about child sexual abuse as a historic scandal, because when they hear stories about it, it’s adults that have been abused as children,” Ms O’Neill said.

But we know it’s not historic. Children and families are crying out for urgent support. 

She said parents can’t do this publicly, as they want to protect their child’s privacy.

“They don’t want to come out and say ‘my child has been abused’. They don’t want their child to be defined by it.”

Ms O’Neill said the parents feel a sense of shame and guilt.

“What’s the whole idea of being a parent? It’s about protecting your child and when you feel you haven’t protected your child you blame yourself, you don’t want people to know.

“They are silenced.”

Cari CEO and clinical officer Emer O’Neill says parents can’t appeal for help publicly: 'They don’t want to come out and say ‘my child has been abused’. They don’t want their child to be defined by it.' File picture: cari.ie

Ms O’Neill said they currently have 57 children receiving therapy, along with 55 parents, but that a further 204 children are on their waiting list, waiting for years.

“That’s over 200 individual children, from all over the country,” she said. “We have parents waiting three years on our waiting list.” 

Speaking from Cari's main office in Limerick, Ms O’Neill said this was why their helpline was so crucial for families, adding that they receive more than 1,000 calls a year.

“The helpline provides that crisis part of our service,” she said. 

“Each call to the helpline can take 45 minutes. That shows the impact for parents to have their child tell them someone has touched them or done something to them.

“Their whole world is turned upside down. They are overwhelmed. There is the anger, the upset, the disbelief and the fear — the fear their child can get through life.” 

She said the child can sometimes self-harm or have suicidal thoughts or develop an eating disorder.

“There’s the anxiety and we know trauma attacks the body,” Ms O’Neill said. “The child might not go to school, they are disassociated, disconnected from their senses.” 

She said the calls, like the therapy, are taken at their pace, adding: “That’s where the helpline is really important. We reassure people, we don’t want to rush them, we want to give them the time to speak, to allow them to cry. We stay with them. We also tell them about the system, how to report.” 

Ms O’Neill said the helpline offers advice appointments (AAs) and parent support and the helpline can offer a call-back service every six weeks.

 “Parents are key, we need to make sure parents are getting what they need to support a child before they see us.” 

• You can reach the Cari helpline on 0818 924567. And visit cari.ie to learn more about Cari’s services as well as its Helpline Appeal for donations.

Graphic content warning 

Cari has released details of some of the messages it has received, in a bid to highlight the importance of its service. Readers are warned that they may find the details disturbing. 

• Mother phones: “My 12-year-old daughter was sexually assaulted by another group of teens in the bathroom of a burger bar. I need help”; 
• Mother phones: “Whilst putting my 6-year-old son to bed last night he told me that he does not like the games his Uncle plays with him and that he does not like it when he asks him to touch his pee pee”; 
• Teacher phones: “At break time yesterday I walked into the bathroom and found two 5-year-olds in a state of undress. One was asking the other to kiss his private parts. They both said it was a game they had been playing for a while”; 
• Mother phones: “My 8-year-old son has been abused online and I don’t know what to do. The perpetrator got him to take videos and photographs of him touching himself sexually and send them to him”; 
• Father phones: “The police have just contacted me and my wife and informed us that our 15-year-old daughter was raped last year. This has all come out because she was being cyberbullied online and the school found out and reported it”; 
• Mother phones to say that she “walked into the sitting room and overheard her 5-year-old son telling his teddy bear that he was going to f**k him”; 
• Father phones: “My neighbour called to the house last night and informed me and my wife that our 13-year-old son got their 3-year-old daughter alone and put his hands down her pants and put his fingers up her bum”; 
• Mother phones: “Last year my 3-year-old daughter said that her Father was sexually abusing her. We reported to the Gardaí and she had an assessment. The assessment has come back inconclusive and now I am terrified he is going to try and get access to her."

• You can reach the Cari helpline on 0818 924567. And visit cari.ie to learn more about Cari’s services as well as its Helpline Appeal for donations.