Celebrity chef opens up about pain after losing son to suicide

Celebrity chef Derry Clarke has spoken about how he remains in constant pain more than seven months after the death of his son by suicide and has begged those considering suicide to think of the family and friends they will leave behind.

Andrew Clarke died on New Year’s Eve, four days after his mother, Sallyanne, found the 16-year-old unconscious in the garage of their Saggart home.

As one of the couple’s two children, Derry Clarke said Andrew’s death had removed one half of the two most important things in their lives.

“You try to give your children the best you can in life and the very last thing you’d want is that they die before you,” he said in an interview with the Herald newspaper.

“It’s a nightmare. There is a pain in your head and your stomach all of the time. The joy is gone out of everything and you don’t look forward to anything.”

He said the last few months had been much worse even than the immediate aftermath of his son’s death.

“Every single thing is a memory — photographs, smells, tastes, places — and it hurts. We haven’t touched his bedroom. I get a bit envious when I see families with their kids, and I tell my friends with younger children to take more time off work.”

Mr Clarke also explained why initial reports said Andrew had been injured when a car he was working on fell on him.

“The headmaster of Andrew’s school felt that he couldn’t control the situation with his pupils if it got out when they were all scattered,” he said.

“It wasn’t that we were trying to hide what Andrew had done, because we knew that it would all come out in the inquest anyway.

“I wanted to hold off until the school got back and organised themselves, as I didn’t want anyone following him, but unfortunately some of the press wanted to go faster on it.

“The other thing was that, if he had survived, I didn’t want a stigma over him, because no matter what people may say or think, there is still a stigma around suicide.”

Given what his family have been through over the last seven months, he also made a plea to those contemplating taking their own lives.

“Think of how the people you will leave behind will feel,” he said. “It will ruin their lives forever.

“If Andrew was to look back now, he’d see that Sallyanne, Sarah May, his granny and myself are all heartbroken, as are his aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.

“You might think nobody loves you, but I guarantee that you don’t know just how many people actually care for you, so don’t bottle up your feelings. Ring Console or Pieta House or any of those organisations who can help, and talk to them.”

* Pieta House’s head office can be contacted on 01 6010000. Console can be reached at any time on freephone 1800 201 890 and many resources and useful information can be found at www.console.ie.