Hatred hides behind veil of online anonymity

Aoife Fitzpatrick (not her real name) is 15 and flattered, if a little frustrated, that she doesn’t know who’s paying her the compliment that has just appeared on her ask.fm account.

“Your veryyyy beautiful! I wish I ever had a chance with you,” writes her admirer, who could be a genuinely smitten boy, a pervert trawling for teenage prey, or a girl from her own peer group deliberately trying to build Aoife up to pull her down again with a subsequent cutting remark.

Aoife hedges her bets in her reply: “Aw thank you :-) this is why i kinda hate ask.fm i hate not knowing who anyone is saying these things!”

It’s also the number one reason parents hate the social media site, which allows anyone to say anything to any member under the protection of complete anonymity.

The number two reason arrives in the very next comment made to Aoife: “Have yea ever givin head? and what’s the furthest you went.”

That’s put quite mildly. In the seven months since that question and in the nine months in total that she has been a member of ask.fm, Aoife has been repeatedly quizzed on her sexual experiences and propositioned in far more explicit terms.

For a kid of 15, she seems unfazed by the comments and bats them away with curt replies.

But her immaturity betrays her when comments about a close friend clearly get to her.

Q. Isn’t [name of friend] an ugly bitch tho?

A. Who the fuck are you to say my best friend is an ugly bitch? fuck off sad c*nt

Q. Y wud ye be caught dead wit sum ginge like her tho?

A. who’s this? & cos she’s my bestfriend, why you saying shit bout her? chat me. [Aoife is asking to talk in private using the “chat” option on Facebook, although that would mean her questioner divulging their identity]

Q. No I won’t chat che ha, state of her tho hope she cries after this. ugly yoke

A. HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA, PUSSY! hardman

Q. Here no fela wud touch of the yoke HA

A. just chat me, i rather you said this all in chat to me

Q. Na, it’s betta a mstery ha

A. just chat me please :-)

Q. Na, just tell er ti watch I’ll make er suffer the c*nt ha

A. why won’t you just chat me? i won’t rat, i just want to talk

Q. y does [boy’s name] meet er? Has he got eyes?

A. cos he likes her

Q. Poor [boy’s name] tho, shud of went specsavers or mayb hes desprete?

A. just chat me seriously it’s getting annoying you’re on all of my friends asks just chat me or something

The conversation, if that’s what it could be called, stops there. Presumably the invitation to chat was declined and Aoife, despite “kinda hating ask.fm”, has used it regularly in the month since.

Emma Doyle is 12, wears braces on her teeth, is adept with eyeliner and hair straighteners, and deals with a regular barrage of comments about her looks.

It started shortly after she joined ask.fm nine months ago when just about every question invited her to rate other girls in her school and social circle.

She replies enthusiastically and diplomatically despite the repetition and the apparent attempts to get her to offend someone by omission as she’s asked for the 10 prettiest in her year, the absolute prettiest in one particular class, the prettiest among her friends, etc.

Then out of the blue, someone writes: “your not pretty just saying.” Emma doesn’t seem bothered, replying with a smiley face: “thanks keep it to yourself though :) .”

There follows a series of remarks from others defending her appearance. At first, Emma replies with warm thanks but the compliments start to get a bit over the top and she demurs. Then someone accuses her of posting the compliments herself and it seems to upset her.

Q. asking yourself questions

A. Yes cause I’m that sad:) obviously not

Q. no one gets that much questions saying yur so pretty espeacily cuz ur not..its clearly u telling urself ur gorgeous

A. The people that say it always chat me after! So grow a pair and chat me who you are and I’ll you said it. I have a life not like you and don’t ask myself questions and don’t tell people there not pretty.

Over the course of the next few months, Emma’s appetite for the subject seems to diminish, along with her confidence.

Q. Ugly

A. No shit! :)

Q. Emma’s not ugly ya gimpy fucks

A. Thanks gorgeous but don’t lie

Q. cop on! Your unreal looking

A. Liar!

Q. Ur face luks lik a bus

A. Aw thanks glad you like to make people feel happy

Q. Your face doesn’t look like a bus!! Your gorgeous

A. Well some other people don’t think that but thanks chat?

The ‘who’s prettiest’ kind of question is one that comes up repeatedly on ask.fm, along with demands for HOs (honest opinions) of other girls, challenges to rate named boys in terms of how ‘fit’ they are, and the inevitable requests for sexual favours and offers or threats to return in kind.

These samples came from the first two picked at random from a selection of users featured on the ask.fm homepage but reading other users’ pages show almost identical themes.

It is harder to find a male user — despite the fact that the sexually explicit questions might be presumed to come from boys, they seem to be very much in the minority among the Irish user base. They are not immune from the onslaught of unwelcome comments, however.

The first one who appeared — we’ll call him David Egan — has been using ask.fm for 11 months and has dealt with a lot of speculation about his sexual orientation, some of it too explicit to print here.

He seems to brush it off easily enough with standard putdowns but appears less assured when dealing with continuous questions about his on/off girlfriend.

Some of the remarks posted include:

— Do you really love [girl’s name]?

— she’s ugly

— why are ya going out with [girl’s name] like ffs shes mank like you could do waaay better

— what the fuckin fuck do you think your playing at! [girl’s name]’s fuckin unreal and ye only after breakin up and ya fuckin off with a bunch a sluts! You need a slap and cop on treatin her like shit cause you don’t deserve her and ya never did

— ur a c*nt

The real question around ask.fm is why David, Aoife, Emma, or any of the other 50m users should feel the need to reply publicly to such personal questions at all.

Ask.fm seems to have hit on a very strong human compulsion which is not so much to ask questions but to reply to those that provoke.