Stimulating conversation proves to be just a load of hot air
The Government’s €2.25bn economic inducement package reannounced a few road schemes they cancelled last year, to be funded by money from sources ministers could not really detail.
Oh, and it took exactly two hours for their job creation figures to unravel as well — and for ministers to admit that a lot of the contracts would go to foreign firms bringing foreign workers in with them.
So far, so predictable — but then, in an embodiment of this groovy, modern Government’s 21st century cutting edge, we were promised a live audio-visual Leo Varadkar beamed in from sun-drenched Cyprus.
Cyprus, of course, is the place to be for a minister in the news. Health Minister James Reilly was there last week when it emerged that he was named in shame sheet The Stubbs Gazette as a debt defaulter, and now Leo was kicking up the sand as his department’s biggest announcement of the year was made. It’s tough at the top, clearly.
But due to yet another failure of Coalition communications — this time technical, rather than inter-party — we were left with just the transport minister’s nasal tones, as we got sound, but no vision.
Had Mr Varadkar failed to get out of the pool in time and his handlers were too afraid lest we see Leo in Speedos? Thankfully not, just a glitch — though hardly the best omen for a stimulus package weighed down with question marks over its viability from the off.
It was a case of Dáil M for Minister as transport department flunkies tried to connect with Planet Med, but Mr Varadkar’s number rang out. The second attempt was less embarrassing, but the conversation started badly:
Handler: “Hello, minister, can you hear me?”
Leo: “Just about.”
Handler: “Is that any better?”
Leo: “A little bit.”
Handler: “We can hear you perfectly.”
Leo: “OK, I can’t hear you.”
Journalist: “Will you not be able to answer questions so?”
Leo: “Erm, something about a question?”
But for a Government that has such a poor record of getting its message across, the mess was strangely fitting.
Public Expenditure Minister Brendan Howlin insisted 13,000 jobs would be created, but could not break that down to the various sectors — or reveal how long the work would last. However, Mr Varadkar insisted his roads section of €870m would produce between 10,500 and 14,000 jobs alone — so something was not really adding up.
And though not quite funny money, it was rather vague money none the less. There was “potential” investment, and money from yet to be flogged State assets, a few quid from the Lotto, and a wodge from private business.
Indeed, so many PPPs — public-private partnerships — were being thrown through the air in such density it was like Mr Howlin was stuck in an old advert for Penguin biscuits, endlessly spouting: P-p-p-pick up a stimulus package.
Oh, and look at that — one of the three major road projects is in Wexford, which just happens to be Mr Howlin’s constituency. What a coincidence! But Mr Howlin denied he was a Mimby (money in my back yard) merchant, and insisted, rather haughtily, that the decision to favour Wexford was really down to preparation done by the last government. As one Leinster House wag noted, this Coalition now has such a default bunker mentality, making everything somebody else’s fault, that ministers now even blame the good news on Fianna Fáil when it suits them.
The Taoiseach and his ministers promised all the schemes would be delivered on time — but as this Government has yet to even deliver as simple a task as a press conference on time (this one was 18 minutes late), we continue to await stimulation, Mr Kenny.
