Four take to stage after a hard day’s night

FF’s not-so-Fab Four took to the stage yesterday to perform live in front of their would be fans.

But no one would confuse the quartet of leadership contenders — Mary, Micheál, Brian and Eamon — with the Beatles, as this lot are very much the Fabricated Four — in other words, The Monkees.

Altogether now: “Hey, hey, we’re the FF Monkees/ And people say we Monkee around with the economy/ But were too busy bitching to stop the party going down.

“We’re just friendly to bankers/ Come and see us golf and play/ Because we’re the failed generation/ And we’ve got nothing left to say...”

But with the grand old party still in denial about its dramatic reduction in status, the four probably do see themselves as still at the top of their game — and if they were the Beatles, there are telling similarities.

Micheál Martin would obviously be the Paul McCartney figure — everybody likes him, but he comes across a bit wet and soppy and no one is really sure whether he could hack it solo.

Brian Lenihan is clearly John Lennon, too clever by half, brooding, and now proven to be the master of the dark arts, saying one thing in private to groupies (backbenchers) while exuding an oily, two-faced, air of confidence in McCartney and the leadership in public.

Éamon Ó Cuív? No question — the Ringo of the bunch, there just to make up the numbers as he tunelessly bangs his bodhrán in the corner.

So, where does that leave Mary Hanafin? She’s too shrill to fit the George Harrison mode — even if they both love their sweet lord Jesus.

Which just leaves fifth Beatle, Yoko Ono. Sorry, Mary but you do divide opinion like Yoko — and an awful lot of people would greet your elevation to the party leadership with cries of “Oh, no!”

The four leadership contenders strutted their stuff before a captive audience of deputies in order to ask to be sent to Number One on their PR voting papers today.

But whoever gets the top slot will almost inevitably be consigned to political history as a one-hit wonder — as in they will take one massive hit from the voters on February 25 and then wonder why they bothered before being heaved out by a member of the next generation mid-way through the parliament.

Indeed, it was ’60s golden hour a-go-go at Leinster House all day as Sinn Féin frontman Gerry Adams, 62, got all shook up in an economic mess once again.

Yes, Gerry and the Gaffe-Makers were back in town and challenging the FF-ers to be top of the opposition bill when the Dáil starts its performances again after the election.

Surging young Shinners like the suddenly ever-present Pearse Doherty must be hoping Gerry finally makes the pace and gets the message as they try and salvage the situation and sing to him that from now on regarding the economy: “You’ll Never Talk Alone.”

Meanwhile, Fianna Fáil’s back catalogue of failure was returning to haunt them with a vengeance.

Anglo and the bankers trilled: “Please, Please Me” to them, and FF sang back: “We Love You, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!” — and so began the “Long And Winding Road” to bankruptcy, the IMF and the party’s looming electoral meltdown.

So, maybe the FF leadership Monkees could just about stretch to a novelty Beatles impression — but only if that group was made up of four Ringos.