Dodo Dáil: Louth mouth Ahern all the richer for it

AND so the Dodo Dáil returned.

Well, the opposition in the Dodo Dáil do anyway.

The tattered Taoiseach has other ideas and is now too weak and too ridiculous to even risk the national parliament being allowed to vote on the humiliating terms of the €85bn bailout deal.

But why so shy? What a crack team Brian Cowen led in those negotiations — not only are we selling the next generation into penury with interests rates of 5.8%, but we are also being forced to borrow €17.5bn of it from ourselves by emptying out the Pension Reserve Fund!

Truly, the economics of the madhouse.

When Enda Kenny pointed this out he was accused of “trying to grab headlines”. Hmmm, yes, grabbing headlines, that’s Mr Cowen’s job isn’t it? And what great ones he has done the nation proud with recently — from The Guardian’s: “Ireland On The Brink Of Financial Collapse” to the Wall Street Journal’s: “Irish Prime Minister Denies He Was Drunk During Radio Interview.”

And how ironic that the ministers who ended Ireland’s 88 years of financial independence with their cack-handed capitulation to the IMF will now see their own financial independence secured when thrown out of office for said betrayal.

Just look at Dermot Ahern, the Minister for Justice became the Minister for Fiction when he blatantly denied the bailout talks were even going on. He should now really be the Minister for Pensions as he walks away from the worst Government in the history of the state safe in the knowledge he will get a golden goodbye of over €300,000 and then a cool €128,000 a year for life for all the sterling work he has done.

The man known as the Dundalk Attack Dog and the Louth Mouth, came over all touchy-feely on retirement — a decision which had nothing, of course, to do with the fact he faces being blown away in the polls by none other than Gerry Adams. Indeed, Mr Ahern insisted he now wanted to use his expertise to help the Third World — and what could be more appropriate for a man who showed his solidarity for those less fortunate nations by doing so much personally to help push Ireland into the Third World?

There’s obviously nothing like an escape route and 170 grand to make you see clearly as the Minister for Fiction finally admitted the truth — that the Government had been “bounced” into “throwing in the towel” over the bailout.

The Unbelievable Taoiseach was still sticking to the sad old song that he was providing exceptional leadership and while he may have been speaking nonsense, the knowledge he can only hold the country hostage for a few months longer seems to have woken him up a bit and at times it sounded almost as if believed the economic illiteracy he was spouting.

Opposite him, Mr Kenny was taking a wrong turn into word weirdness with the bizarre: “Do the deal in Brussels and let them eat cheese as the sleek limousines drive through the slush.”

A masterful fusing of the EU dairy food hand-outs, IMF roll-over and the Arctic weather unreadiness — or just evidence that maybe it’s time for a quiet lie-down, Enda?

But if you were annoyed about the lack of snow ploughs on our main roads, don’t worry, you’ll get a warm glow from knowing there was one positioned in the Dáil car park — all day — so that delicate deputies would be protected at public expense.

Will we ever be a nation once again? Who knows, but for the duration of the bailout we are, economically speaking, a colony once again — this time a colony of Brussels rather than London.

Welcome to the Belgian Empire — enjoy the free cheese.

One day the Dodo will rise again.

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