Political animal still at large in Oireachtas zoo

WHAT’S a guy gotta do to get thrown out around here?

One man political car crash Ivor Callely has left an awesome trail of wreckage right across the Seanad and Fianna Fáil, yet remained a shamelessly proud member of both, until one of them belatedly pushed him towards the exit last night.

Despite dire opinion poll ratings suggesting Fianna Fáil needs to cling on to every last single supporter it can, Mr Callely proved an expensive liability the party of Charlie and Bertie could, finally, no longer afford to be associated with.

After refusing to act despite the damning Seanad findings that he “misrepresented” his normal residence in order to claim up to €81,000 in travel allowances, Fianna Fáil moved to suspend Callely only after the latest expenses allegations began to swirl around the unusually silent Senator. And we won’t know the outcome of the internal party inquiry into possible “conduct unbecoming” until next month.

But while Ivor may be, belatedly, being thrown out on his ear from Fianna Fáil, his rear is still firmly planted in Leinster House, even though Green TD Paul Gogarty has demanded a fresh Oireachtas investigation into Callely’s behaviour.

Despite his potty-mouthed F-word outburst in the Dáil last December, Mr Gogarty remains somewhat touchingly naive and hopes a new probe will lead to a sort of rolling inquiry into the senator that will “humiliate” Callely into quitting.

Earth to Gogarty: Callely doesn’t do humiliation, or even mild embarrassment, he only ever does self-pity and victim-hood.

And the Constitution is quite clear on his divine right to sit in the Seanad: “Every member of Seanad Éireann shall, unless he previously dies, resigns, or becomes disqualified, continue to hold office until the day before the polling day of the general election for Seanad Éireann next held after his election or nomination.”

Thankfully, the ever smiley Mr Callely is clearly in rude health. Which leaves us with the option of him choosing to do the decent thing and resign. But anyone wishing to see Ivor fall on his rather rusty looking sword of honour will doubtless have a wait even longer than that 720km round trip from Bantry Bay to Leinster House for which he was so fond of billing the taxpayer.

And as he is not bankrupt — which appears to be the only grounds for disqualification from the Seanad — Callely seems secure for the foreseeable. Well, unless the Taoiseach has the nerve to call the general election that opinion polls repeatedly show the country wants.

But as Brian Cowen is too scared to even allow the three long overdue Dáil by-elections because he knows how voters will punish him, there is precious little chance of that.

Indeed, Mr Cowen had seemed to be hoping that if he kept quiet and said nothing on Callely, the whole thing will magically go away — just like he hoped the economic slump would when it first appeared in 2008. But even the light-touch Taoiseach had do something about Ivor in the end, which just leaves the little problem of the Seanad.

A national institution that actually works and is respected by the public, Dublin Zoo, has managed to lose a penguin recently. It has also seen a couple of gibbons exit their enclosure.

Yet an entity held in somewhat less universal regard, the Upper House, just cannot seem to shake-off its own exotic creature, Ivor, who continues to stick two fingers up to fellow Senators as he rampages through the political zoo with wild abandon.