‘To see a six-year-old suffering from anxiety – it’s not right’

STEPHANIE supervises contact between her ex-partner and six-year-old daughter.

Her ex-partner was abusive in their relationship. He previously had unsupervised contact with his daughter, but the conclusion of a Section 20 psychological report was that this was having a detrimental effect on the child. The court ordered termination of contact between her ex-partner and their daughter until he receives therapy.

Stephanie explained the effect of unsupervised contact on her daughter and why the court terminated it.

“He was taking me daughter out and he was bringing her to flats in the area but these were people that I wouldn’t approve of, they were addicts, other addicts or he was bringing her in the car and there was no regulation there because he would bring her over to car parks and question her, constantly questioning her about me, about who I was with and what I was doing and where I was going, you know.

“He was becoming verbally aggressive with [child], you know, so I had to stop it. The doctor and all said she had anxiety before the visits.”

Asked if she believes the situation could have been different if they had a professional contact service available from the start, Stephanie said: “I’d say my daughter would be a lot more at ease. I don’t think she would have gone through half of what she went through you know... To see a child, a six-year-old suffering anxiety, like having these nervous pains in her stomach and trying to explain that into words, is, it’s not right, even the doctor couldn’t get over it.”

Despite the court order for no contact Stephanie allows some contact as she believes that no child should be denied contact with their parent. In the absence of a professional supervised contact service she explains how she manages supervision.

“What will happen is for my safety and me daughter’s safety, if he rings me and says, can I see her for five minutes. This is the way it works. Ok you can pull up outside me house, she’ll go to the car and I’ll stand a couple of feet away but the window has to be rolled down so I can kind of keep an eye at her. As I said you can see it in them, they stiffen up if something’s been said or I can hear him shouting.

“It’s not a situation I feel I should be in at this stage, you know. I don’t even feel as if I should have to see him but in order for my child, my daughter, and I will protect my daughter.

“Until the courts revert it, he’s not going to get proper access anyway but when they do revert it, which they will, when that does happen I’d like to be able to sit back and say well I don’t have to see him, I don’t want to see him.

“I don’t want to have any contact with him at all.”

* A report, titled The Need for Child Contact Centres in Ireland, is published today by One Family.