Couples in marriage counselling up by 10%

THE Catholic marriage service Accord has unveiled new figures which show a 10% increase in the number of couples seeking marriage counselling in 2009.

Having delivered a total of 40,000 counselling sessions last year, the marriage counselling service said modern relationships were being strained by a number of new issues, including financial stress, rising depression and issues surrounding addiction to pornography, cyber sex and online gambling.

Speaking on the eve of St Valentine’s Day and National Marriage Week, Accord national director Ruth Barror said that while a breakdown in communication was still the most common problem in most marital difficulties, a variety of other problems were now emerging in the economic downturn.

“Stress levels have gone up and there is more depression among people,” she said.

“Financial problems are very much to the fore and a number of people are suffering from internet problems like pornography, cyber sex and gambling.

“They are distractions in a relationship, a form of escapism.”

Ms Barror said in some parts of the country last year 40% of couples who sought advice had cited financial difficulties as the primary reason for seeking advice.

“It has been suggested that because people can’t sell their homes they are having to stay together and maybe they are looking at their relationship again,” she said.

Ms Barror went on to say that couples need to be there for each other to have a healthy marriage.

“They need to give each other and themselves time and they have to have fun together; that’s something people forget very quickly,” she continued.

“They also need to show appreciation for what they do for one another and talk through difficulties together by communicating.”

Despite the efforts of organisations like Accord, however, there were almost 2,000 applications for judicial separation and more than 4,000 applications for divorce during 2009.

This means that 27% of marriages in Ireland now fail and that more than 200,000 adults have now suffered a broken marriage.

According to family law specialist Marion Campbell, the primary issue in most separations and divorces remained the family home.

“Judges are now ordering that the family home not be sold maybe for two years or until the children are finished education. They are deferring sales. But one or other has to leave the home, so usually the husband is forced to rent,” she said.

Ms Campbell said that while judges are trying to be sympathetic to both parties, it was difficult.

“I have heard of cases where the family home has been physically split.

“People are putting off separation where they can, but often they can’t because the situation at home is too awful,” she said.

“Couples are in the same house but leading completely separate lives. This has very serious implications for the children.”