Enderella and the ugly sister attack the Big Bad Budget

IT all got a bit too Panto for comfort in the Dáil yesterday as Eamon Gilmore taunted the Taoiseach over Brian Lenihan’s seemingly boundless ambition.

“He’s behind you!” the Labour leader could well have shouted in the best yuletide musical tradition, but instead he settled for a less than friendly warning that the Finance Minister was seasonally shafting his boss.

The front bench responded with a mixture of shirks and smirks as the FF back-benchers feigned outrage, casting Mr Gilmore as the ugly sister of socialism as they did so.

Sadly, the brooding face of the Finance Minister was nowhere to be seen, though now the master of theatrical menace since he single-handedly vetoed the public sector pay talks. The faint whiff of garlic fell like a trail through the corridors of power to remind the Fianna Fáil fodder that even if they cannot see him, he is always there.

Mr Gilmore’s deft delivery of the dagger had certainly raised the temperature of the chamber as a rather subdued dress rehearsal for the main Budget battle suddenly burst into life with the Taoiseach at his most finger-jabbing, ruddy-hued rambunctious.

It all got a bit scary for poor little Noel Grealish, politically homeless since the PDs collapsed around him, the Galway East TD was looking for some long overdue love from the Taoiseach in the form of a nice little deal he could sell back in the constituency.

But there went Mr Gilmore with a linguistic lashing for the Taoiseach yet again, noting the Government was planning to rush through the welfare measures by Friday because it could not risk Mr Grealish and other backbenchers facing the wrath of voters before signing off on the billion euro-plus cuts.

“If you can’t keep your team together for a difficult weekend how will you do it for the next two years?” the Labour leader sneered as the FF benches rippled with genuine dislike.

But from stage left came the not so soothing tones of would-be Taoiseach Mr Lenihan, who attempted to ease the nation’s fears by telling us this would be “the last of the very difficult Budgets”.

It had all the empathetic appeal of a blood-splattered surgeon waving a rusty saw aloft as he apologised no one could afford anaesthetic anymore, but that the troublesome leg would soon be off nonetheless.

Never the brightest when it comes to numbers, it also seemed to slip Mr Lenihan’s mind that he does indeed need to find another €4bn in cuts in next year’s budget and the one after that – but maybe he figures they will just be “really difficult,” rather than “very difficult” assaults on the nation’s finances.

Enda Kenny decided to go off on the theme of fraud. This was a risky call for him as detractors have often wondered aloud what he had done with the real leader of the Opposition these past seven years.

But Mr Kenny is above such slights and, largely due to FF helpfully levelling the political playing field by dousing the economy in petrol and setting it alight, Fine Gael now commands record leads in the opinion polls.

Mr Kenny did not get into the panto vibe of the proceedings, perhaps fearful he will end up the Enderella figure of the piece – seemingly floating to power in a golden coach, only to see it turn to pumpkin mush as voters take fright at the witching hour.

But this Cabinet seems intent to give FG a fairytale ending whatever happens.