Goodbye to lies about Lisbon, time to let Lisbon lie
Sorry, I was lying – well apart from the bit about the lies – as the listless, barely-lit fag-butt of political debate was stubbed out in the ashtray of history with just another orgy of everybody accusing everybody else of lying about everything to mark its passing.
Relief that the whole thing was finally over even saw that rarest of things flicker upon the Taoiseach’s face – a smile. It didn’t suit him. And it was soon rubbed away at the final Fianna Fáil press conference by very direct questioning.
The most stinging came from an international type whose query could be summed up as: “I’ve only been in Ireland a few days, but everyone seems to hate you and your government. If you care so much about passing the Lisbon Treaty why didn’t you just quit and call an election and separate your staggering unpopularity from the crucial Euro poll?”
Brian Cowen appeared rather annoyed at the suggestion and hurried onto the next question about, er, how his Government’s embarrassingly inept mishandling of the Fás scandal could cost it Yes votes.
What nonsense, the Taoiseach insisted. There had been absolutely nothing funny about the Government slipping Fás boss Rody Molloy €1.1m as a bonus for presiding over the appalling culture of waste and extravagance at the state agency. And so what if ministers had shifted their story for the pay-off three times. What did voters expect? Consistency? Competence? Where have you been for the past 12 years?
No, it seems there is nothing for the uppity little voter to get vexed about in the Fás farce, because everyone involved acted “within the guidelines”.
The default “guideline” excuse has become a mantra akin to the legendary “I was only obeying orders”, as ministers attempt to scramble clear of the mess of their own making.
!Why, these evil guidelines have been running amok for years, forcing regulators not to regulate, watchdogs to close their eyes and finance ministers to decide the best way to put out a credit boom on fire was to douse it in petrol.
At least good old Enda Kenny was ready to save the day by flying the Yes flag in Grafton Street.
Unfortunately, a street musician or, more appropriately, a scanger with a guitar, took great offence at Enda’s efforts and decided to serenade him with a very loud rendition of a song with lyrics consisting of the repeated lines: “F**k the Lisbon Treaty! F**k the Lisbon Treaty – rich boy!”
The unwanted stalker eventually lost patience and gave up following, at which point Fine Gael’s walking foghorn Máiréad McGuinness decided to have the last word and shouted at him: “lost your voice?” Within seconds he was back in Enda’s face screaming: “F**k the Lisbon Treaty!”
The noise put off voters, but a Spanish journalist, pointing at the FG leader, asked: “Who is him?” To which one reply came: “He’s the next Taoiseach – believe it or not.”
It was all a lot more sedate at the Greens’ closing conference where a very earnest man insisted the future of the planet may indeed hinge on Lisbon, and when listing various forms of energy needed to replace fossil fuels, looked at the cherub-faced Eamon Ryan and uttered the rather unfortunate phrase: “We should have wind – and the minister is trying to make that happen.”
So we now await the outcome. Anecdotal evidence would seem to make it closer than the polls predict. And as those same polls pointing to an easy Yes ride also claim 90% of people will vote and 70% of them understand the treaty, perhaps we should not put total faith in them.
But the Taoiseach did promise there would be no third referendum if the voters failed to get it right.
So, come what may tomorrow, we can finally say goodbye to lies about Lisbon, and just let Lisbon lie.
