Cowen basks in the moonlight as Ban lays on the charm

OH how our smitten Taoiseach swooned in the moonlight – the Ban Ki-moon light that is.

Though even Brian Cowen looked a tad embarrassed on the steps of Government Buildings as the United Nations secretary general heaped praise on him as a “global leader” whose presence at a climate change summit in September would be essential to saving the planet.

Why, the wily old Korean diplomat was so overwhelming in his adoration for our tarnished Taoiseach you would almost suspect he was after something.

And then you would remember he is – re-election to his plum job, and Ireland’s vote will come in very handy, thank you very much, or go raibh mile maith agat, as he stated just to rub his love of all things Irish home.

Mr Ban has clearly been tipped the nod from Bertie that Brian is easily susceptible to a bit of the old flannel. Bertie well remembers that secret little chat he had with Brian the day before he was forced to resign as taoiseach early, as the increasingly murky outpourings from the Mahon corruption probe threatened to flush him down the political drain unless he jumped first.

“Now, Brian,” he said, “de economy’s in excellent shape tanks to yer stewardship and da Lisbon do-dah will be a doddle, so dere’s nothing to worry about dere – no chance you’ll land flat on yis face and de people will suddenly forget all about da dig-outs and de money I won on de gee-gees and just remember me as Mr Boom and you as Mr Bust, no, no chance of that Brian – you’ll do grand....”

Poor old Brian sure fell for that one, and now Mr Ban was laying on the charm with a shovel as well: “Your participation and your leadership role as a global leader will be very much appreciated and critical,” he declared referring to the upcoming Copenhagen climate change summit.

Such over-the-top rhetoric showed the UN chief to be UN-believably blatant in his bid for re-election in two years’ time and UN-doubtedly wrong in his assessment of Mr Cowen’s leadership abilities, as in just over a year the Taoiseach has won a reputation at home as the most UN-popular, UN-successful and UN-lucky leader this country has ever had.

But then the two men did genuinely have one thing in common – being up to their necks in bad debt – as the UN is one of the few world bodies even more in hock than Ireland. The US has been very tardy about paying its subs for decades, and Mr Ban was no doubt keen to make sure the Republic kept up its payments in these tough times when it is even taking money from the burgeoning welfare class created by the slump.

Ever the diplomat, Mr Ban was effusive in his praise for Ireland’s continued commitment to overseas aid – somewhat bizarrely given Mr Cowen has slashed support for the most needy people in the world by €250 million in the past year alone.

Mr Ban may think he’s some kind of big shot globally, but the Oireachtas Foreign Affairs Committee put him in his place – just as he started into an authoritative view on Iran, nuclear weapons, world hunger, etc, they cut him dead as the Dáil bell went and they rushed off to vote on an obscure procedural row that had blown-up in order of business and thus collapsed the hearings with the man who is arguably the closest the planet has to a global figure head.

Mr Ban’s face set like a sullen Moon amid the confusion as he looked truly perplexed by what was going on around him. It was a very embarrassing moment for the Irish parliament – bet Mr Ban doesn’t get treated like that in New York very often.

He must have been left fuming about his earlier generosity, as so keen had he been to curry favour was the secretary general that he had even seemed to match his attire to especially compliment the Taoiseach as they both sported mauve ties, though sadly neither exhibited a handkerchief – denying us the prospect of a bit of hanky-Ban-ki.

However, we did see swanky Ban-ki as the UN chief’s motorcade swept out of Government Buildings.

Memo to Moon: Maybe we would have more hope of beating climate change – other than relying on Mr Cowen’s dubious leadership skills – if you didn’t swan around in an ozone layer-busting convoy of five limousines, five motorcycle outriders and a large people carrier?

Especially as the fake praise he heaped on to the Taoiseach showed that Mr Ban had already produced enough hot air for one visit.