Get it right when they get it wrong

WITH the recession hitting everybody hard, Irish people are finally getting to grips with the lost art of complaining.

Late planes, trains and buses, poor restaurant service, overcharging, all the things that are the bane of all our lives are things that, with the right guidance, can be resolved. All with a good complaint.

Britain’s Jasper Griegson is perhaps the world’s most famous complainer.

Although he disputes he is a serial complainer, so dreaded are his letters to British Gas that it employed a full-time staff member to deal with him.

Griegson is the author of numerous books on the subject and is set to launch a website, www.disputer.com on June 11 to help people get the satisfaction they deserve.

Griegson believes that humour is the key to getting a suitable response to your complaint.

Speaking on The Gerry Ryan Show during the week, he said the first thing to do is compose yourself and then compose your letter. Venting your anger is not the best method of complaining.

“I think often you are too angry to express yourself if you scream and shout and become abusive, it’s the wrong way to complain and often you are complaining to the wrong person. You really want to complain to somebody quite high up in the organisation,” he said.

Griegson, who disputes that he is a Victor Meldrew-type character, pointed out you should write to the higher echelons of the organisation and leave your letter open-ended.

“Never limit what you’re asking for in your letter of complaint or your email. What I tend to do is leave it open-ended, so I’ll say ‘I look to you for a meaningful gesture of goodwill and let me assure you a two-line letter will not suffice’.”

“Keep it open-ended because they may exceed your expectations. You may get club class tickets to anywhere in the world that you weren’t expecting,” he said.

So successful is Griegson that his daughters once received a tour of the catering services of Heathrow Airport complete with lashings of free chocolate after he sent a bunch of mouldy grapes they received on a flight to the managing director of the airline.

The expert complainer also has tips for those who are ultra-determined their complaint will be read by the person at the very top of an organisation.

“There are ways of getting through to them if you really mean business. Use a pink envelope, put a love heart on the back, put ‘sealed with a loving kiss’ and then put aftershave or perfume depending on their gender. I’m deadly serious. Then the secretary won’t open it.”

Griegson’s proudest moment was with that institution everyone loves to hate — banks.

“The most satisfactory result was with a bank that put some money in my account by mistake and I sent back the money deducting £20 for my administrative charges, and I can tell you that felt great,” he said.