Au Revoir Jobs: Mr Black takes lead role in Dáil slasher film
But this was no slick, well thought-out Hollywood blockbuster, it was a thrown together, home-made effort with a French accent: Au Revoir Jobs.
As the human chain of ministers snaked towards their seats — headed by Brian Cowen, aka: Mr Black (hole in the budget) and Brian Lenihan: Mr (in the) Red — the cabinet’s two Mr Greens became noticeably detached from their colleagues, clearly wishing to lose themselves in the throng.
But the two Brians had other things to worry about as their strut was temporarily stopped in its tracks by the immovable force of Mary Hanafin blocking their way to the front bench.
The Social Affairs Minister finally had some good news on the jobs front to announce, and she was not going to be hurried. Yes, it was her proud task to reveal more than 200 new posts were being created — in dole centres across the country.
The bad timing meant the Taoiseach was forced to crouch behind her, while the Finance Minister perched uneasily on the steps by her side; it looked for all the world as if the two men were kneeling at the altar of the new religion — mass unemployment.
Reservoir Dogs centres on a gruesome scene involving the slicing off of an ear to the sound of Stuck In The Middle With You, Mr Cowen proved even bloodier with the blade, cutting €2bn from public sector workers, overseas aid and childcare allowances in less than a minute — that’s more than €30m a second.
Fianna Fáil backbenchers looked nervous as the Taoiseach slashed and burned his way through pensions and young families, perhaps thinking: “We’re stuck in the middle of this recession with you?”
Union leaders had warned of “revolution” from their members at the news of the pension levies, but the truth is this country is too traumatised by the sudden collapse in the economic order to offer anything stronger than resignation that it has come to this.
The shadow of unemployment, emigration and mortgage repossession once again falls heavy across the land.
Waterford, a totemic brand burned into the national psyche, is now a symbol of despair not pride. The sight of discarded workers raging against their redundancy by sleeping rough in their abandoned factory so they can grimly try to keep the furnaces alive — and thus somehow prevent their futures from being extinguished — brings to mind images of a failed state in the third world, not the 21st century knowledge economy we were promised.
“Today we are starting to fight back in bringing order to the public finances. We take some steps back so we can move forward,” Mr Cowen implored at a press conference televised live in which he struggled to appear measured and inclusive in front of the nation. Instead he came across like a guilty schoolboy desperately explaining why all this was not his fault. As he did so he looked more and more consumed by the magnitude of the events engulfing him.
The very use of the word “today” to begin his attempted reassurance begged the question: Why leave things so late? Why allow 5,000 people a week to be swept away by redundancy during all those yesterdays? Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny responded to the Taoiseach with one of the poorest set piece Dáil speeches he has given since the last election. Mr Kenny was reminiscent of kindly taxi driver with two flat tyres — he meant well, but you knew he wasn’t going to take you anywhere.
The catchline for Reservoir Dogs was “Let’s go to work”. Sadly, a similar tag for the Government’s production of Au Revoir Jobs would have to be: “Let’s go to the dole office”.
Mr Cowen has now made his state of the nation address — and what a state this nation is now in.
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