Blind spots a symptom of being lost on Bertie Island

HELP! Our truth-seeking Taoiseach is missing in the news jungle withonly a hugely expensive, full-time team of lackeys in his media monitoring unit to try and keep him abreast of what’s going on.

Despite six civil servants working 18 hours a day at a cost to taxpayers of €400,000 a year, the unit is clearly not on top of the job if Mr Ahern’s curious current affairs blind spots are anything to go by.

Poor Bertie is lost on a little island of his own where the Irish Press is still in business and people are getting used to new technologies like “cassettes”.