Rise in price of pork easier to stomach than tribunal piecemeal

FUNNY how the mere mention of corruption and the whiff of a brown paper envelope can make TDs scurry from every corner of Leinster House.

The chamber had been virtually empty for Order of Business, then the awkward business of the Moriarty Tribunal and the long shadow it still casts across Fianna Fáil forced deputies out of the woodwork with the speed of €500 notes appearing at a re-zoning decision.

Bertie Ahern needed the foot soldiers to vote down uppity opposition demands he should actually answer questions on the forensically in-depth assessment of a late Taoiseach’s self-service from the State and the present Taoiseach’s role as Blank Cheque Signer General to his former mentor.

As Charles J might have said himself: “No more of that!”

The only question on the Taoiseach’s mind was getting through the next 90 minutes of debate with minimal collateral damage to his reputation.

Yes, that’s right, after nine years and perhaps €250 million of public funds going on the Moriarty Tribunal, it was to get one-and-one-half hours worth of Dáil time.

And it had began as such a jolly Valentine’s Day morning as well, with Leader’s Questions finding the house in a very playful mood.

The Labour leader was bemoaning a shopping list of soaring food costs as outlined by the Consumer Price Index: “Beef up 10.2%, lamb up 6.6%, pork up 1.8%,” when FF’s Sean Power interrupted with a stinging reference to recent opinion polls: “Rabbitte down 0.8%.”

Disappointingly, no one on the opposition benches had the presence of mind to quote Moriarty’s Corrupt Premier’s Index which shows the price of a bent Taoiseach has now hit a record high of €45m.

The good humour gave way to a gloomy one as the truncated tribunal debate finally got underway.

Despite the previous leader of his party infamously declaring that Charles Haughey belonged in jail, Tánaiste Michael McDowell was notable in his absence from the chamber.

The Justice Minister was to be found lurking across the road from Government Buildings at yet another poster launch, signalling the Mahon inquiry was dead in the water as costs head for the €1 billion mark.

It would seem the price of accountability is rising even faster than the price of pork, while the value of those in public life has rarely been lower.