Could you swing to the left?

IT’S been a rocky 10 years but you and the Government struggled through it, even renewing your vows to each other in 2002, however, will this Valentine’s Day be your last together?

So the excitement’s gone the way of e-voting and the best thing you can look forward to now is a decent pension, but it’s safe isn’t it?

Then, suddenly tangoing out of the shadows on the (centre) left comes Pat Rabbitte with a twinkle in his eye and a red rose between his teeth as he leans over and provocatively whispers: “But, are you happy?”

Your head spins and swoons as sweet promises of two cent tax cuts and clean hospitals leave you breathless with anticipation of a new life over the Rainbow.

But can you really walk out on the Coalition after all you’ve meant to each other? Yes, like Princess Diana, you’ve had to endure the presence of three of you in this marriage of political convenience after Fianna Fáil decided they couldn’t live without those racy PDs, but now even the soldiers of destiny are wondering if the Tánaiste needs to be traded in for a younger number in the summer.

Perhaps sensing the need to restore the lost magic, the PDs are also promising a new beginning in a love letter to the voters given away with a national newspaper (a change from those free Foster and Allen CDs that end up in the bin).

What does Labour know about quality of life issues, snort the right-wing warriors (the PDs, not Foster and Allen) as they reveal how you can slash commuting times from five hours to 10 minutes in one easy step — just become a civil servant and get bullied into moving to the other end of the country in the decentralisation disaster. Simple.

And they’re not to be outdone by slick socialists when it comes to slogans.

Senator John Dardis seems to offer the perfect pity pitch from the PDs to the electorate in the wake of recently collapsed poll ratings by quoting a former England rugby captain after being obliterated at Lansdowne Road: “We might not be very good, but at least we turn up!”

Mr Rabbitte and his winsome deputy Liz McManus unveiled their Valentine’s come-on to swing voters outside Government Buildings yesterday. Even ameandering vagrant was touched by the kindness of a €2 coin from the Labour leader’s own pocket.

Still the question remained floating: “But, are you happy?” If not, there is always the tantalising prospect of fun with Pat and Liz — could you resist?