P Flynn’s theory of relativity: keep it in the family

ALL the eminent scientists in town to hear Professor Stephen Hawking are clearly having an effect on Padraig Flynn.

And in sympathy with the famous astrophysicist, Pee probably bemoans the fact that black holes no longer destroy everything in sight (including bank records) but consume matter which later re-emerges in a mangled form. For example evidence at tribunals.

The former EU commissioner breezed into Dublin Castle yesterday to answer questions about a £50,000 political donation he received from developer Tom Gilmartin in 1989.

For Fianna Fáil - the intended recipient of the money - the 50 grand disappeared into the equivalent of a black hole, otherwise known as a bogus, non-resident account at the AIB in Castlebar. However, such phraseology is most unbecoming in Pee’s parallel universe as he reminded the tribunal that it was “an external, UK account”.

Sadly, the former teacher’s quest for knowledge did not ever extend to asking his wife Dorothy why she opened such an account in Chiswick, London, to lodge the £50,000.

Although Dorothy was indeed far from Kansas, the Flynn cosmos only ever extended from Castlebar to Brussels, bypassing the English capital.

Pee’s evidence proved everything but a brief history of time as he struggled to recall why he had never wondered what happened to the money. However, he was back on planet Earth explaining how his funds were gobbled up by the demands of politics, especially at election time.

The former TD recalled how his Mayo constituency stretched from Shrule to Blacksod Bay to explain his outgoings. “As long as from Dublin to Galway,” he said.

Pee felt such demands on his finances were sucking him into double-jobbing. “I often thought I was the local bank myself cashing cheques for people, but we won’t go into that,” he said.

Pee also expounded on his own contribution to science - The Inevitability of Gradualness. He said these was how he explained to Mr Gilmartin (“a man in a hurry”) about the slow-moving ways of developing anything in Ireland.

But as Professor Hawking might say: “It’s all relative.” To which Mr Flynn would no doubt reply: “It’s all for the relatives.”