Death of a child the ultimate tragedy, says counsellor

THE death of a child is often seen as the ultimate tragedy, says a bereavement counsellor who has dealt with many families left devastated by such a loss.

It is especially hard to deal with because it goes against the natural order, said Mary Lynch, a volunteer with the Bereavement Counselling Service. Parents expect to be buried by their children, not the other way around.

“When it’s a young child it’s very difficult because with that death go an awful lot of dreams and hopes. You are losing a little bit of your future,” she said.

“Couples and families can be torn apart by the death of a young child. Relationships between parents can become strained. All members of families will have had different relationships and everyone’s loss is different.”

Ms Lynch said that care should also be taken regarding the feelings of remaining children.

“The child should be mentioned regularly but do not make them out to be perfect, thereby risking belittling the other children,” she said.

Ms Lynch said it was very difficult for a family to come together after the death of a child. Anger, sometimes at not being able to prevent the death, could be one of the strongest feelings, and it was important to talk to somebody outside the family. “Call on as much help as you can from family and friends,” Ms Lynch said.

She also said it was important that people took care of themselves physically because the immune system was affected by grief.

The Bereavement Counselling Service has offices in Dublin and a number of outlying counties. The service is free but does take donations. Visit www.bereavementireland.org.