BMW X7: A behemoth of beauty that wants to be noticed

The monstrous BMW X7 weighs more than 2.3 tonnes but the handling is as sharp as most saloons; meanwhile, the interior can only be described as opulent, with sumptuous seating.

BMW X7
Rating	★★★★☆
Price	€131,940 - €142,147 as tested
Engine	Creamy smooth and refined three-litre straight-six turbodiesel
The Spec	Palatial
Verdict	Luxury on an epic scale

It was just over 22 years ago that BMW created a sensation in the automotive world by unveiling their new mega-SUV, the X5.

The sensation was not that they created a thing of such size, particularly as the Americans had been making similarly gargantuan 4x4s for many years. No, the thing about the X5 was that it was actually driveable.

For so many years the Yanks made blunderbuss SUVs and probably loved them (and probably still do), but even varieties of the genre they sell today like the Ford Expedition, the Cadillac Escalade, the Lincoln Navigator and General Motors’ Yukon would be classed by most Europeans as undriveable.

Large, luxury SUVs like these are indeed large and luxurious and for driving across large swathes of the States – unburdened by having to take a corner – they are just fine. 

But try and drive one around, say, West Cork and you will quickly realise that you might as well be equipped with a three-bedroom semi-d on wheels, so ill-suited are they for the purpose.

But when the X5 came along – vast and all as it was – people expected to be able to pooh-pooh the thing was being suitable only for motorway work. But that was not the case.

The X5 was truly the first large SUV that had proper road-manners and rather than wallowing around the countryside, pitching here, rolling there and generally making all your passengers violently ill, this thing was painted to the road and drove like a saloon.

It was indeed a sensation because it aligned two previously unbroken SUV rules:

1) that massive = unstable

2) such a thing had to be powered by a 200-litre engine

With engines ranging from three to 4.5 litres, the X5 not only produced ample grunt to propel this beast, but also had the chassis and suspension chops to allow a comfortable journey around notoriously uncomfortable roads with ease and without the added discomfort of having your partner and/or children (or both) barf the contents of their stomach over you and the plush interior.

That it was also made in America – Spartanburg in South Carolina – was possibly another slap in the face to American rivals who, by comparison, could not take a mild curve without inducing complete hysteria among those on board.

There is a case to be made, however, that the American mindset is such that anything big is luxurious, which of course is ludicrous, but you only have to visit the place to see this is the case. If building anything bigger doesn’t do the trick, then simply outsize it some more and that’ll get the job done.

That being so, you would have thought that BMW would have learned a valuable lesson from the X5 – i.e. that this big is big enough. But no.

First announced in 2014, but not actually appearing on dealer forecourts sold until five years later, the X7 has usurped pretty much everything in the ‘big SUV’ segment. It's monstrous.

Obviously, the mandarins in Munich decided firstly they had a client base for such a thing and, secondly, that they could make it work.

Whether or not it was aimed at rich oil barons, Russian oligarchs, Middle Eastern sheikhs, or plain simple Americans, the one thing BMW could not afford was to make it and then have it ridiculed. It had to be good.

And, gosh, it sure is.

It might be that the sheer size of the X7 – it is over 2.3 tonnes in weight – will put off some less extravagant clients and the look of the thing, especially from the front where the giant twin kidney grilles look like the gates to some hidden kingdom, will not endear others.

But, the bottom line is that despite its sheer magnitude, this is a car which drives really well and refuses to act like its’ bus-like proportions suggest it would. The handing is as sharp as most saloons, while the ride is as close to magic-carpet as anything Citroen ever produced.

What with a self-levelling air suspension system, double wishbones at the front and a multilink system at the rear, this beast is well equipped to cope with anything any road can throw at it and as it only comes as a 4x4, traction is never an issue either.

The air suspension also allows for a couple of neat party tricks, whereby the X7 – by the mere pressing of a button mounted on the lower folding flap of the boot aperture – will lower itself by up to 40mm to allow cargo to be loaded easier. And, at higher speeds (anything over 138 kph) it will also automatically hunker down by 20mm to ensure maximum roadholding.

Power comes from a very familiar three litre turbodiesel – a straight six – and there is a very ample 340 bhp on tap. Allied to an eight speed Steptronic ‘box, it will do 0-100 km/h in just 6.1 seconds and the top speed is 245 km/h, both figures being all the more impressive given the amount of metal the engine is hauling around.

One key difference to this car by comparison with the X7 we tried last year, is that it is fitted with a mild hybrid system. Admittedly this only adds 11 hp to the overall equation, but at least it gives you some tax credits. Further on the positive side is that the fuel consumption is an excellent 7.5 l/100 km (37.3 mpg), especially considering the size issues.

When it comes to the interior, the word opulent is the first one that comes to mind. The Ivory White (with black inserts) Merino leather is sumptuous, the seven seats (including the two reasonably useful rearmost ones) are ridiculously comfortable, while the stuff like ambient lighting and the Bowers and Wilkins hi-fi system only add to the lavish feel.

The fact you can control the radio/sound system, phone and a host of other things by doing it manually, as normal, or by waving your hands around or even by talking to the car, adds only to the overall affluent feel.

Seriously, there is extraordinarily little this car wants or needs on top of standard spec, although it does behove me to say that the M Sport Pro Pack, which adds an M Sport exhaust system and 22” alloys, among other things, adds over four grand to the asking price. 

The folding towbar (as if you’d ever put a trailer behind this thing) and the ‘Sky Lounge’ panoramic sunroof add a further three grand to the bottom line.

That said, what we have here is what might be termed ‘Patrician Motoring.’ It might be as big as the Taj Mahal, but it drives like a saint and offers more comfort than a palatial home.

BMW do make eye-opening claims about the X7’s off-road abilities, but even with substantial ground clearance and the ability to raise the chassis on the air suspension, I’m not sure I’d be that keen to take it Alpine climbing. I’d get the Range Rover out for that.

A majority of X7 owners will never venture further off-road than the driveway to their country pile, but that’s fine too as what they have here will look great in front of a stately home, if indeed it doesn’t block out the light.

Any easy dismissal of the car on the basis of its monstrosity is overlook what is actually the epitome of luxury while also being a jolly good, if expensive, drive.