It may not have the looks but the Mercedes GLE Coupé is a beautiful car to drive

To mangle an old cliché, one man’s meat is another man’s murder. That is ever the way with motor cars as you will all too rarely find two people who can completely agree with each other about anything motoring-related.

Sat, 05 Dec, 2015 - 00:00

Declan Colley

While some can squabble endlessly about mechanical stuff like the merits or de-merits of, say, small capacity turbos as against a supercharging system, others will find little of interest in such waffle. Similarly, quarrels among enthusiasts about individual car designs are regular and bitterly disputed discussions to which there is no real conclusion.

In the end these things never resolve themselves because they are entirely down to personal taste and what is easy on one person’s eye is a complete abomination to another.

All too rarely can universal accord be found. Sure, there will be the occasional rapprochement whereby people unite vociferously against an obvious abomination, but the general truth of the matter is that trying to get people to agree on anything automotive-related is more difficult than trying to find consensus among prickly tribal warlords, or Irish politicians, for that matter.

Having said all that, I did find it instructive to discover — after the ubiquitous Google search, of course — that an American listing of the ‘100 Most Ugly Cars Of All Time’ included, aside from the many American, Japanese and Eastern European design outrages, a number of modern BMWs. And I agreed wholeheartedly with each of them.

The Mercedes GLE Coupé is downright ugly — but is a seriously good car to drive.

The 2010 5 Series Grand Tourer was one of these and the 7 Series from 2002 was another and both them have a definite place in the pantheon of automotive uglies.

Nestling at number 42 in the top 100 was a third BMW — the X6 from 2008 — and it was slated as having the looks of a “Bavarian cockroach”. Ouch. Indeed, the American motoring website Edmonds.com, which compiled the list, advised people to think of the X6 “as an X5 with a fastback roof and without the pesky utility”.

Having gone so far to slate the car, the authors could have taken some time to update their list by including the new Mercedes GLE Coupe which is, effectively, a direct copy of the lamentably ugly Beemer.

That Mercedes was convinced enough of the worthiness of the X6 that they went and replicated it is mysterious enough, but that they thought their customers would love it, almost defies belief.

Now let me state right here that the GLE Coupé is a seriously good car to drive; it is a top-class executive SUV and one which, if your job entails loads of high-speed highway work, then this could be right up your alley. If, however, you have pesky distractions such as a family, for example, then this will be about as useful as a fire-fighter in hell.

We rightly lauded the regular GLE in these columns recently as an excellent addition to the SUV canon, as it is not only a ‘real’ 4x4 with sterling off-road abilities, an excellent range of engines, top-drawer creature comforts and an exterior design which, even if it is a little on the dull side, still radiates toughness and strength. and, for what you’re getting, it is not bad value in the class.

The GLE Coupé offers an excellent range of petrol and diesel V6 engines and a seriously luxurious demeanour. Trouble is that it lacks any degree of practicality (try getting a child’s stroller into the boot) and it also adds around 24k to the price of the regular GLE. And it’s pug ugly too.

As it is essentially a four-seater, the Mercedes’ lack of family credibility is further undermined by that sloping coupé roofline which does not make life that comfortable for anyone in the back seats, particularly leggy ones.

On the road, the GLE Coupé is supposed to be a match for the X6 and the Land Rover Discovery Sport and it is every bit of that, although the Disco beats both rivals hands-down on the looks front.

The Mercedes is a splendid thing to drive, truly sorted in the ride and handling departments and because the 4Matic 4x4 system is a permanent one, the feeling of security you have when at the helm is truly reassuring.

You have ‘comfort’ and ‘sport’ modes to chose from when on the move, and these determine stuff like suspension stiffness, throttle sharpness and steering response. I have to say I did not really feel the need for the latter as the former seemed to do everything just fine for me and I never felt the need to have to beef things up to extract genuine driving satisfaction.

The three-litre V6 turbodiesel is a mighty thing. Outputting some 258 bhp and a massive 640 Nm of torque, it will haul this weighty thing to 100 kph from a standstill in a very impressive seven seconds, while top speed is 226 kph. The nine speed auto ‘box — as we noted with the regular GLE — is a joy to live with.

Fuel consumption is not — as you might have expected from a machine with that sort of performance and the amount of weight that has to be hefted around — of the super-frugal variety, but a return of 6.9 l/100 km (40.5 mpg), is not at all bad in the circumstances.

Equally, the 187 g/km emission levels are not going to save the earth by the resultant annual €750 tax bill is not outrageous either.

The AMG Line interior and exterior package greatly adds to the luxury of the car as well as to the price —nearly nine grand extra — but you’d have to say that if you’re going to be lashing out so much in the first place, it is not too much of a stretch to pamper yourself to the max.

To drive this thing is to give yourself a feeling of wellbeing that is hard to find and if you’re in the lucky position whereby the price tag is not going to create pause for thought, then you’re going to own one seriously good driving machine.

The downside will be that the damnable looks may well cause local community associations to march on your house in protest.

The upside is Mercedes will certainly sell a few of these things to people unconcerned by the car’s look and who want the sheer driving pleasure and security on offer.