Opel Insignia OPC: Raucous and reassuringly ridiculous

I SPENT the last few days trading holiday stories with a friend of mine.

Sat, 15 Aug, 2015 - 01:00

John O’Mahony

As well as the prerequisite for sun, sand and somewhere as far away from here as possible, we both share the same dream of hitting the highways for a lengthy road trip across Europe — me losing myself in the mountains of Italy, him exploiting the autobahns of Germany and Austria.

Similar fantasies, similar bring-you-back-down-to-earth problems — children who start complaining as soon as you reverse out of the drive and who have about as much appetite for long days in the back seat as a Greek civil servant has for a hard day’s work.

This year he planned to take his lot on the Channel Tunnel to Paris. On the way back, he wanted to stop off and pick up a second car.

He has a nice taste in motors, but the problem is that he loses all rational thought once he enters the showroom. He goes in knowing what he wants, but leaves with something he very much likes — but can’t possibly justify.

I should have saved him all the bother and handed him the keys to the Opel Insignia OPC — it fits the bill perfectly. This taut and toned V6 Turbo is the epitome of everything you want from a car, but were far too responsible to ever ask for — or need.

@kirkr24 the #Insignia now features Apple CarPlay and #OpelOnStar. You might want to have a look?! https://t.co/3IRH9uwWGZ (subtitles in EN)
— OPEL (@Opel) July 30, 2015

This car is all about parking your head and engaging your heart — the kind of machine that makes the cool wall on Top Gear, but something you’d never really expect to park outside your back door.

The OPC brand is Opel’s high performance wing — to the company what GTI is to Golf or M to BMW. As with most cars in this class, the OPC is striking to look at — the 19in V-spoke alloys, ultra-low profile tyres, and Brembo front brakes offset by the loud red paint job.

Even allowing for that, I was slightly taken aback by the level of public interest it generates. Then again you can’t help but notice the deep-throated rumble of the very impressive 2.8-litre V6 — it’s raw, raucous, and reassuringly ridiculous.

The cabin is dominated by the Recaro sports front seats, the OPC gear knob, sill plates and alloy pedals added to over sporty appeal.

I’ve long been a fan of Opel’s infosystems, with the 8in multi-colour display screen at the centre of the revamped dash, which includes a satnav and IntelliLink system with video playback, voice control, and a touchpad control.

With an entry-level price of €53,495, you’d expect plenty of spec and Opel doesn’t disappoint. Standard features include OPC sports leather steering wheel with audio controls, single zone electronic climate control, anti-dazzle rear-view mirror, rain-sensitive windscreen wipers, automatic lighting control with tunnel detection, and tyre pressure monitoring system.

The ergonomic sports front seats with extendable seat cushions, AC with variable side-to-side temperature settings, multi-zone sun sensor, heat-reflection windscreen, electrically heated front seats, and electronic folding mirrors that came with the model tested cost just shy of another €2k.

But what you’re really paying for is under the hood: The 2.8-litre V6, which produces 325bh, 0-60mph in just 5.6 seconds and a top speed of 270km/h (168mph).

Thanks to the adaptive 4x4 stytem, it handles beautifully, and while you’re tempted to just sink the foot down at every opportunity, the simple knowledge that you have more than enough grunt to pretty much take almost everything else on the road is often enough in itself.

But while it’s built like Cindy Crawford, sounds like Dean Martin, and moves like Usain Bolt, unfortunately it drinks like Shane MacGowan.

It’s about as environmentally friendly as a small Gulf state and has the kind of emissions levels that would make even Jeremy Clarkson sit up and take notice — hence the G rating which comes with an annual tax bill of €2,350.

Even without testing its limits, you’d comfortably burn €20 of petrol a day — and that’s just around town.

But then again, this car is not about efficiencies and green credentials. It’s not about practicalities, it doesn’t make economic sense. But if you buy this car your children will want to talk to you again, your neighbours will want to talk about you again, and your bank manager will probably never talk to you again.

But if you’re lucky enough to have the option, go for it — you’ll be sane for long enough.