NOW we know: there will be no deep and meaningful cuts in politicians’ pay and perks until the next general election.

GIVEN the glum mood of the nation, this will surely be the least romantic Valentine’s Day since Al Capone.

IF you were an international moneybags, how would you rate a country that won’t really tackle its worst-ever economic crisis until a scheduled budget comes round at the end of the year?

THANKS for giving us Ivan Yates every Thursday. He’s light years ahead of most political commentators and a major loss to Fine Gael which, with the exception of Richard Bruton, is an empty vessel at present.

OLDER folk remember a worthy institution called the National Bank.

WHAT was Anglo Irish Bank chairman Seán FitzPatrick going to do with that €87 million?

I INTEND to recoup the income levy in advance by boycotting Santa.

A ‘surge’ in Iraq is one thing — but in Fine Gael? Now there’s something to be scared of.

BILLIONS, if necessary, for the Shylocks who conspired with builders and other handymen to enslave a generation, but cold comfort for pensioners and disabled people. Up the Republic!

WE’RE all washed up.

THIRTY years in jail for dealing in a product that’s outlawed despite insatiable worldwide demand.

WHEN the French (and the Dutch) voted to reject the proposed EU constitution, we didn’t tell them they would have to vote again.

Gastric band? Why not belly-band? At least it sounds familiar.

LISBON should be a Europe-wide vote.

ANY hope the Lisbon litter louts would clear the view of our green and briefly pleasant summer land?

DUBLIN is voting, but not Lisbon.

IF you don’t know, vote no.

IT’S only natural to sympathise with a politician on the way out — even if he leaves a trail of unanswered questions to do with his financial probity as a member of government.

WE are in a quagmire of quangos, ombudspersons and regulators of everything from banks to the police. There are more watchdogs than dogs to watch and they are all on the public payroll. But why do we still need an entire department of state — Health — if the service is being ‘run’ by the HSE?

WE have bred a new subspecies — mindless, murderous and coked — beginning circa 1985 and caged largely in a few big estates in our cities.

EMPTY churches and bloated stomachs everywhere.

NEED a house? Join the FF national collection team.

WHO would ever have thought a Paisley in his moment of shame would inadvertently turn the spotlight on our ‘pocket parliament’ stuffed with self-serving, obscenely overpaid members. And those are the honest ones.

TAX compliance is only for de lads on de terraces.