Stepping outside the comfort zone
The terrorising of the luckless waitress and near arrest came just two days into my trip. It was All-Ireland football final day but more importantly — in my eyes at least — Arsenal were playing Manchester City. Before that Liverpool would play Manchester United, so I got a taxi from my home for the week, Stella Palace Hotel, into the town of Hersonissos where I found a bar to watch the day’s sporting events.
Having watched the Liverpool game in a local bar, in traditional Irish fashion I failed to locate the Irish bar and in even more traditional Irish fashion, I stubbornly refused to ask for directions.
As a result the All-Ireland was abandoned (a wise move given the game was effectively over after 11 minutes) and I found another l bar to watch Arsenal come from a goal down to draw 1-1 at Manchester City. Sadly my somewhat over-enthusiastic scream of delight after Laurent Koscielny’s late equaliser just happened to coincide with the waitress removing the remains of pizza from my table. She was somewhat startled but while in the process of apologising, Manchester City nearly retook the lead twice, prompting more screaming and more apologies on my part.
When the game was over I thought a swift exit would be a wise move, but two hours later, and having finally found an Irish bar, I suddenly remembered that in my rush to leave I had left the previous pub without paying.
Fearing imminent arrest I returned to the scene of the accidental crime and found myself yet again on the defensive.
‘‘You left without paying, this is VERY serious,’’ the barman said deadpan.
‘‘I know,’’ I replied, ‘’I’m very sorry but I came back and I’ll pay now.’’
‘‘It is too late for you, my friend, I call police, they come and I give them security camera.’’
‘‘You’re joking... right?’’
‘‘Yes I joke. Seriously, you good man, you come back.’’
‘’I’m not a very clever man, though.’’
‘‘No.’’
Arrest avoided, I spent the rest of the evening getting to know Hersonissos, a friendly laid-back, atmospheric town that comes to life after dark. Hersonissos has numerous bars, shops — fur shops, somewhat oddly, are particularly popular due to the large amount of Russian tourists who visit Crete — and restaurants, and unlike some places, locals don’t exert undue pressure on you to enter their establishments.
The food is pretty cheap, while the beer is about half the price you’d pay in Ireland. The only small complaint I could possibly have is the four kilometres distance from Stella Palace to Hersonissos.
I had left Ireland on a Friday but the combination of a slightly delayed afternoon flight from Cork and a two-hour time difference meant it was 1:30am on Saturday morning when I arrived at Stella Palace. Thankfully the restaurant was kindly opened for the tired and hungry late arrivals. Rarely had fruit and bread tasted so good.
Food eaten, a porter brought me to my room, a spacious, elegant place with the biggest, widest bed I’d ever seen. The complimentary fruit bowl was a nice touch, as indeed was the bottle of water left in the fridge.
With the arrival of daylight the following morning I got my first proper glimpse of my new surroundings. The sight of my own private swimming pool was particularly impressive while the sight of the sun was reassuring after an Irish summer that had led me to wonder if the thing actually still existed.
Suitably reassured, it was time to get my bearings of what I quickly realised was a vast complex. Stella Palace has two massive swimming pools, a host of bars, two restaurants, a private beach and a grocery shop. In addition, the resort has three children’s swimming pools with water slides, making it an ideal location for a family holiday.
It’s an extremely relaxed environment and over the course of a week I got re-acquainted with life’s simple pleasures — like having a swim, reading books and drinking beer – the Mythos beer was particularly tasty beneath the Mediterranean sun. Heaven.
Before my trip, my perception of Crete was of a place where people only went to work on a tan. But, as I found out, it’s actually much more than that. One of the standout moments of the holiday was a Cretan highlights tour. The trip takes people to the fascinating archaeological site of Knossos, a palace excavated and partially restored under the direction of Arthur Evans in the early part of the 20th century. One of the highlights of Knossos is the Royal Road, described by our guide as the oldest in Europe. It’s clearly a landmark of immense pride for the Greeks with our guide explaining defiantly that even if Greece gets the old heave-ho from the Euro at least they’ll still have the road.
As much as anything, holidays are about doing things outside your comfort zone and my visit to the Elia, Stella Palace’s gourmet restaurant saw me do just that.
I went for lobster night, a step into left field given that I’m a particularly picky eater. Sitting down for a five-course meal of caviar, soup and oysters it was time to tackle the lobster. Struggling with the challenge I asked a bemused waitress how people actually eat lobster.
‘‘Sorry,’’ she replied.
I explained that I had never eaten lobster before, that it seemed solid and the tail was causing me some difficulty.
‘‘I see sir,’’ she replied patiently, “you need to turn it upside down.’’
In truth, I wouldn’t eat it again but that’s more of a reflection of my less than refined palate than on the food.
There’s a famous quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that speaks to me: “You must do the thing you think you cannot do”.
I’ve always been afraid of heights, a fear my uncle, a builder, tried to cure me of on one memorable occasion many years ago by forcing me to help him on the chimney of a two-storey house in east Cork. It was a stunning day and as I clung to the chimney for dear life, resolving not to look down, my uncle mischievously quipped: ‘‘Great day, where else would a fellah rather be?’’
‘‘The ground,’’ I replied.
However, I decided that this holiday was as good a time as any to finally face down my fear. What better way to do so than by spot of parasailing? It was a fantastic experience and, bizarrely, I actually felt surprisingly safe and calm as I gazed around the picturesque island 100 metres above the sea.
I couldn’t help but feel that this is what holidays are about — doing things you thought you could not do.
It wasn’t all plain sailing though. One night, emboldened by several bottles of Mythos, I identified a particularly attractive lady and decided to hit her with my best Joey Tribbiani ‘how you doing?’ line (I’m all about the originality).
The riposte was instant. ‘‘I’m sorry,’’ she replied in a suspiciously Scouse sounding accent, ‘‘but I don’t speak a word of English.’’
Even in a near-perfect holiday, not everything works out.
The Crete highlights tour (€46 per adult, €23 per child) is a fascinating day out and provides a good general overview of the sites the island has to offer. The Samaria Gorge, believed to the longest gorge in Europe, is also recommended. The gorge is an 18km stretch of outstanding scenery and costs €62.50 per adult and €31.25 per child.
As the largest tourist resort in Crete, Hersonissos boasts numerous shops. Designer clothes and perfume are available in most shops for a significantly cheaper price than you’d pay at home. Due to the large amount of Russian visitors to the island fur shops are also popular.
Analipsi, a short walk from Stella Palace, boasts a number of nice, reasonably priced restaurants. La Familia, an Italian restaurant, is particularly recommended. The choice of restaurants in Hersonissos is endless, but if you want to experience a taste of Greece the Acropolis restaurant is probably the way to go.
Thomas Cook Ireland has weekly flights to Crete from Cork and Dublin from May to September, departing Fridays.
Darren Norris stayed at the 5-star Stella Palace Hotel in Hersonissos, which is available from €719 per week per person sharing on an all-inclusive basis, with meals, drinks, entertainment and flights included. To book call Thomas Cook Ireland in Dublin on 01-5140328, log on to www.thomascook.ie or visit your local travel agent.
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