Dear Dáithí: How do I put a stop to having to stay at class birthday parties? 

When did this become the norm? I really don't want to spend two hours at a child's birthday party

There are two types of parents at these parties; parents who stay for the whole thing and those who drop and go.

Dear Dáíthí,

My child is going into senior infants in primary school and has been invited to multiple birthday parties over the past year. The vast majority of these were for his new classmates — there has been at least one party a month, and sometimes two or three in one weekend alone!

The vast majority of these parties have been in soft-play centres or at venues with planned activities. A handful have been held at family homes. 

When I took him to the first of these last September, I happily sat down with some of the other parents and enjoyed a coffee and a chat about how they were all settling into school and new routines. I enjoyed meeting some of the other parents. 

To be honest, I thought that once we were a few months in, the volume of parents at these parties would dwindle, and I’d be able to drop my son off and go, but that hasn’t been the case. If anything, there are more parents in attendance who stay for the whole party.

When did this become the norm? I work full-time and weekends are already packed with shopping, housework, and bringing my other children to various activities. I really don’t want to spend two hours at a child’s birthday party. 

My son’s birthday is coming up over the next few weeks and I’m thinking of putting a note on the invite to tell parents to feel free to drop and leave so I can put an end to this practice, but I don’t want it to come across they shouldn’t stay if they want to... or to seem rude.

Am I the exception here?

Welcome to parenting 2026. I know this was all new to me too a few years ago, and I was amazed at how many birthday parties there were. I have to say, and it might be because we have only one, I was delighted to see our young fella in the middle having the craic and, more than anything, being part of the gang. 

I was answering a question on the opposite side of this not so long ago, and the parent’s concern was that her child was not being invited to these class parties and what to do, so in the sense you should be happy as this is an easier situation to be in if you ask me, as I find children being outside the gang heartbreaking. Children, as much as adults, can be cruel sometimes.

I do know where you’re coming from though when it comes to parents staying all day at birthday parties, and if all the parents have to do so. 

I do think a lot of parents find solace in chatting to other parents, especially with parents of children who are in the same class, because they all have something in common and it’s a good way to find out what’s happening in the gang and in class. 

We all know information from children can be minimal at best, wait until they hit 12 or 13! I know other parents too who stay because this is their only outlet and social setting of that week, and they love it. 

No more than yourself, people are very busy and different people have different ways to chill and bond. It does sound like you might be allergic to these days and would like to spend it in other ways, and what is wrong with that? Nothing at all!

The thing about all of this is that nobody asks the children if they would like their mothers and fathers to go or stay. I know my fella would have been happy for me to drop and go, and not in a bad way. I really think children love to have that sense of freedom knowing their parents are not there, and I also think this is good for them. 

I know some parents want to stay so they can keep an eye on what’s happening and I don’t like this, but I’ll only parent my own fella and you do as you please and think best too!

There are two types of parents at these parties; parents who stay for the whole thing and those who drop and go. Here’s the thing; nobody gives a crap about what you do.

Seriously, people are so preoccupied with what’s going on in their own lives, they and I included, don’t even notice. So, you do what you want to do and don’t think twice about it.

One question you have here is: Should you put a note in to say ‘feel free to drop’ for your own child’s party? Of course you should; this is your party, you can do what you want, and if people aren’t happy, and I doubt people will even care about the note, just do it! What you might have is the parents who didn’t really know if they should drop or stay being delighted because they are finally getting some direction on this.

Now, I’m not sure if this will put an end to this practice as you hope. This might be a step too far, but I do think it will help some people; others will do what they want, and that is fine too. It’s not a reflection on you; it’s just the way they are.

I know you’re a busy person and another thing that stood out is you spending two hours at a birthday party and this is annoying you. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a lot of time. Maybe instead of seeing it as a pain, maybe try to enjoy it and see it as seeing your child being happy and with friends. You certainly don’t want to look back and say: ‘I was too busy to actually see them grow’. 

Back to a point I made earlier, your child might be delighted to see mom or dad there while this is happening; he or she is probably too young to ask now, but not in a few years because I’ve often seen a child’s face light up when one of the parents looks over.

To end, send the note with the invite. Go to one or two of these parties and see the good in them, because they won’t last forever. Our lad is going into secondary school in a few weeks and I’m not sure how many parties will be there soon, until they start going to proper parties — ones we have no control over!