Saturday with author Louise O'Neill: I love to eat but hate to cook – it is my personal tragedy

Louise O’Neill’s latest novel, ‘Whatever Happened to Madeline Stone?’ is out now

07.00

I used to be one of those people who was awake and at my desk by 5am and I was annoyingly smug about it. These days, I’m less puritanical. I don’t set an alarm but I usually wake at 7am anyway.

08.00

I try to stay off my phone for the first hour of the day, a privilege only afforded to the self-employed, child-free person. I have been an Artist’s Way devotee for almost 15 years now, so the first thing I do is reach for my diary and I start my Morning Pages.

I found I wasn’t hungry in the mornings so I accidentally fell into intermittent fasting, something I now know that it causes havoc with women’s hormones.

As a result, I try to eat something within an hour of waking up – usually two scrambled eggs and smoked salmon on sourdough bread with a chopped-up kiwi on the side.

10.00

I go to a gym class every Saturday and Sunday morning. It’s a combination of resistance-based strength training and cardio, and it’s one of the best things I do for my mental health.

13.00

I love to eat but hate to cook – it is my personal tragedy. Because I am an adult woman and must be responsible about such things, I try to throw together something vaguely healthy.

A large salad with lots of protein (once you turn 40, the protein police will round you up and flog you to death if you aren’t complying with their rules), some sauerkraut for gut health, and healthy carbs like brown rice or sweet potato.

I’ll throw walnuts and seeds on top for some crunch and then olive oil on top. I know I’m not supposed to have seed oils but I’m too afraid to tell anyone I’m not sure what seed oils are.

15.00

If I’m at home, I enjoy curling up on the couch for an hour or so to read a book, with my dog lying beside me. He’s a huge literature guy.

Getting out in nature at the weekend is an imperative for me and the dog must be walked – preferably in the dunes in Inchydoney where he can be left off his lead to run around to his heart’s content.

I like to visit family or friends on a Saturday. I usually turn up unannounced, staring at them through the windows until they let me in.

If I’m in London, then Saturday afternoon involves an art exhibition or tickets for a matinee. I love a solo theatre trip. In West Cork, I would insist upon a swim in the sea followed by a barrel sauna.

My heart, however, is always in New York. On an ideal Saturday, I would awake in a West Village townhouse (which I bought in cash, obviously, I love this fantasy world). I would then take a morning stroll through Christopher Park, before getting some eggs at Café Cluny. I adore an itinerary – be still my beating heart – so give me a good plan, always.

18.00

I enjoy nothing more than having someone else cook for me so let’s go out for dinner, más é do thoil é. I will start the preparation it takes to turn ‘Sloth Louise’ into ‘Going Out Louise’.

This usually entails lazing around in my dressing gown until about 6pm at which point I panic.

I quickly blow-dry my hair and attempt an elaborate makeup look, which will inevitably cause a mental breakdown because I now look like I have two black eyes.

20.00

I used to say I was an introvert but then realised I was boring myself, so now I am very much in my Outside Era. I will say yes to anything – dinner dates, theatre tickets, music festivals - whatever you fancy.

I think being teetotal preserves a lot of my energy so I can do all of these things without exhausting myself. I am someone who really values and prioritises my friendships so I try to spend as much time with the people I love as I can.

Because of that, I am very busy but it brings me so much joy.

24.00

On the weekdays, I try to be in bed by 10.30pm but at the weekend, that gets stretched to midnight – I’m a regular Cinderella. I take a sleep remedy with magnesium in it, pull on an eye mask, and I call it a day.

• Louise O’Neill’s latest novel, ‘Whatever Happened to Madeline Stone?’ is published by Bantam and available in all good bookshops and online now.
• Louise O’Neill’s Instagram: @oneilllou