Dear Dáithí: 'My sister says I’ll regret missing my daughter’s birthday for girls’ trip'

I've paid my deposit for the break, but I'm worried what people will think if I do go, or if I will regret being away from her on the day?

'For the last few years, a group of us has headed away for a few days to catch up and relax. We all grew up in the same area and have all known each other since we were kids.'

Dear Dáithí, 

I’m hoping to go on a girls’ trip with some of my friends later in the year, but the idea has been met with some negativity from my family, mainly because my little one’s birthday would fall when I’m away.

For the last few years, a group of us has headed away for a few days to catch up and relax. We all grew up in the same area and have all known each other since we were kids. These days, we’re all in different parts of the world, and at different stages of life, so planning these trips is no mean feat! 

One of the group found a great deal for an all-inclusive resort for a few days toward the end of the summer season. The location and resort ticked a lot of boxes, and the date seemed to suit everyone, so we booked it.

Our daughter will be turning one the day before I would be due to come home. I figured we could mark her birthday either the weekend before I go, or after I come back. But not everyone agrees. 

Some family members have said I shouldn’t even be thinking of going away near her birthday. My sister says I don’t realise it yet, but I will regret being away. I know it’s an important milestone, but in all honestly, she’s not going to remember it. My other half is fully supportive of me going, and my mum says the break is a good thing.

But now, I’m worried what people will think if I do go, or if I will regret being away from her on the day? While I’ve paid my deposit, I could back out, but I don’t want to ruin the trip for everyone else.

One thing I’ve learned over the past few years, and especially since I got married and the young fella has come along, is that it is so important to have your friends outside the family unit.

There is nothing selfish, or whatever people want to call it, by going out regularly with your friends.

The person who knows this the most should be your partner. Do you know why? Because they can see the benefits. I know some of you reading this have partners who don’t see this, though. Your partner sees how important this trip is to you and is delighted for you. 

As a man, I’m thinking of the brownie points he is building up, and when it’s his turn, and he says he is off golfing, or to Vegas with the lads, you will be happy for him too.

This is the way the world works, and in my eyes, it is a very healthy relationship.

It’s obvious from that last paragraph what camp I’m in. Yes, you should definitely go on this trip. When you look at it, you have all the important people in your life telling you to do so.

Along with that, your friends are scattered all over the world. We all know how hard it is to get people who are in the same town to meet, not to mind when your friends are spread further. It’s great that you all love coming together, and it shows how important you all are to each other.

Friends like that are hard to come by. It’s like the stars aligned when all of you could do the dates for this trip, which to me is another sign to go.

Not to mention that on top of this, you all got a good price for the holiday; we don’t have to remind anyone there is a cost-of-living crisis at the moment, and good value needs to be pounced upon. Other people might say that is a good reason to stay at home, but not me, life is too short!

So, your sister thinks otherwise, and like everyone who reads this, she is entitled to her opinion. I don’t buy this “you don’t know it yet, and you’ll regret it” craic. She sounds a bit jealous to me that she isn’t going anywhere. I’d love to know if you even asked for her opinion. 

Let me be clear; it has nothing to do with her. I’m getting a hint of “you’re a bad mother if you go on this trip” from her, and I really don’t like that. She should stay out of it.

The reality is that yes, the first birthday is a big milestone, but after all, two days later it will only be a memory and pictures, and if those pictures are taken the day after the birthday itself, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the people in the photos love and care for each other. It’s about the three of you and nobody else. If this seed of doubt wasn’t set, you probably wouldn’t even be thinking about this and writing to me.

To be sure, do have a think about it, chat to your partner, and make sure you won’t feel bad about this. I think you’re looking for a little bit of reassurance here, and you should get it from home, too. What this will really do is stop you from over-thinking while you’re away on the holiday — because if you’re thinking about this all the time, it could ruin the whole thing, and we don’t want that!

When I read this for the first time last night, I remembered two of my friends who are no longer with us and how I’d love to be going away with them for a few days. It also reminded me of the great times we had away, and that’s what you’ll be doing too, making more memories with good friends.

There will be times in the future when you might not be able to get away, or God forbid one year you’ll be one person down, and you’ll think of all the good times. That’s why you should make this trip a really special one, and also one to remember.

If you’re a day late for the first birthday, make it count.

The last bit of advice I have is to tell everyone you’re going — do it today and start getting excited about it.

That, for me, is part of the whole experience, the excitement beforehand and the build-up. If your sister still wants to be giving advice, shut her down straight away and tell her the decision is made and you heard her the first time.