Be my guest: Your ultimate guide to hosting this Christmas
Tara 'Doll' O'Connor of The Designed Table
Once a cornerstone of social life, the art of hosting seemed to have all but faded until the pandemic brought it back into focus.
Lockdown, for all its challenges, afforded us the rare opportunity to slow down, spend time with loved ones, and rediscover the beauty of smaller, more intimate gatherings.
For many, it sparked a renewed enthusiasm for entertaining at home.
While competitive table-setting has been a common feature at US country fairs since at least the 1930s, the term “tablescaping” wasn’t coined until the 1960s, when British designer David Hicks introduced it to describe the phenomenon.
A longtime devotee of the concept, event and PR professional Tara O’Connor credits her passion both to her upbringing and her career.
In 2021, she founded The Designed Table, launching her own range of table linens and accessories inspired by the countryside and forests near her home in Co Kildare.
Tara is among those in favour of pulling out all the stops, particularly during the festive season.
“Christmas is the one time of year that we all sit around our tables with our family and friends. Unless you stay in a hotel, everything is closed on Christmas Day, so most people eat at home. It’s nice to make an effort and try to elevate things, to make it memorable.
“Gathering around the table is so important. Candlelight is always my starting point. Keep your ceiling lights off and just have side lamps and lots of candles. It sets the tone as soon as your guests walk into a space.”
Atmosphere should take precedence over look, she says. With the lighting covered, it’s onto the table itself. O’Connor’s top tip? Don’t overstyle it.
“Only have what you need. Coco Chanel said to take one thing off before you leave the house, and the same applies to tablescaping. Keep it simple and chic, that’s my mantra. If you don’t have a tablecloth or a runner, create one. Go into the garden and get foliage.
“We’re so lucky in Ireland that we can just go and take branches and greenery from literally the side of the road and lay it across your table with some nice candles.”
Ribbons and candy canes also make for cheap, tasteful additions. In terms of colour palette, green, red, silver, or gold are always a safe bet this time of year, though don’t be afraid to have fun.
“You’re inviting your family and friends into your home, so be as creative or as uncreative as you like. If you love colour, put that on the table. If you want it plain white, do that.”
Finally, be sure to test every seat beforehand and keep decor low so that you can see the guests on the other side.
For Ballymaloe House Hotel’s pastry chef, JR Ryall, edible decorations also go a long way in embellishing a festive table.
“Having lovely edible things that you can use later in the week, after the party’s done, means there’s no wasted money. I think that’s chicer than having tinsel and all the other stuff. I generally use chestnuts and mandarins.”
O’Connor advocates for a similar approach if adding place names. “Use a gold or silver Sharpie and write names on a pomegranate at each place setting. Then you can use them for a salad the next day.”
When it comes to the food presentation, JR believes in letting the ingredients speak for themselves.
“I keep things very simple,” says JR.
“If you want, you can add a sprig of holly, but often, if you make something nicely, it’s going to look beautiful as it is. Less is more for me. If you don’t want to eat it, I don’t really know what it’s doing on the food.”
Rather than overreaching and trying to do too much, he recommends picking one thing and doing it carefully.
“If you can have a nice, relaxed approach and pull it off well, that’s really what all of us want. People will have different abilities, but there’s always something you will be able to turn out, even if that’s just cheese and crackers.”
Catering for different diets is tricky but doable. “It’s not always easy to make direct alternatives,” says JR.
“Instead of trying to make a gluten-free, nut-free trifle, which is very stressful to do, I try to pick something entirely different that’s free from the ingredients I need to avoid — something sensible and easy that ticks the requirements, and everyone can enjoy it. See what you can work with, see what everyone can have, and then try and make the best of it so everyone’s included.”
For a real showstopper, freezing water into the shape of a bowl, filling it with scoops of ice cream, and serving dessert family-style is always a favourite. “It looks really cool, it costs nothing, and you can make it weeks ahead. It’s a great centrepiece,” he says.
To make it at home, simply take two bowls, one about double the capacity of the other. Half fill the big bowl with cold water.
Float the second bowl inside the first and weigh it down with water or ice cubes until the rims are level. Adjust the small bowl so it’s central and then deep freeze for a minimum of 24 hours.
Take it out when needed — you should be able to remove the smaller bowl after about 15 to 20 minutes. At Ballymaloe, the late Myrtle Allen would surround the ice bowl with red-berried holly at Christmas.
If you’re limited by money or space constraints, the good news is that it’s possible to create something special even if you’re short on both.
There are a few non-negotiables, though – Irish hotelier, TV presenter, and author Francis Brennan’s include fresh flowers, a candle or open fire, cosy seats, and the aroma of something nice in the oven. “The sound of a cork popping is also very welcoming,” he says.
If you don’t have enough room for children at the main table, try to keep the seating in the same room so little ones are still part of the action.
The essence of good hospitality is, he tells me, all in the experience. As he puts it, “Life is for living, use the good china.”
After decades in the industry, he has more than earned his reputation as the go-to authority on hosting — and doing it well — but he’s adamant that trying to get everything ‘just right’ is energy better spent elsewhere. “Forget about perfect.
“Allow people to feel at home, help with the wash up, bring a dessert. Concentrate on chat and laughter as opposed to perfection.”
All three experts are united in their advice for hosting a joyful Christmas gathering this year: do as much as you can in advance, keep a list, and delegate if possible.
“A stressed host sets the tone,” explains Tara.
“Your guests will sense it. Set your table the day before, even two days before – just turn your glassware upside down to prevent dust from getting in. Write everything down, even cooking times. I tell Alexa to remind me when to do things; she’s my sous chef! And then cross things off as they get done. I’ve been that person who’s forgotten to put gravy on the table if it’s not on my list. It happens.”
On the day of, put someone else in charge of turning your playlist on when guests arrive, and be sure to have a glass of bubbles (alcoholic or otherwise) waiting.
Adding to that, JR is an advocate for outsourcing things that might be tricky to do at home.
“If there’s a local person making gorgeous mince pies, support their effort, and then that’ll lift a couple of hours of work off yourself. Hilary Quinn, who works with me in the pastry kitchen at Ballymaloe, does The Mince Pie Project. She makes about 2,000 mince pies, and €1 from each one sold goes to Marymount Hospice. Those kinds of local initiatives are great, it’s lovely to weave that into your Christmas.”
Most importantly? Enjoy the day.
“It’s lovely when the host is present,” says JR. “I try to remember that myself, not to take too much on, so I’m not locked behind the kitchen door. You want to be in the room with your friends, you want to make sure you can top up people’s drinks and hear how their day was. For me, it’s really about the fun and the connection of it. Good hosts channel that; they know how to be with the people they’re hosting, and not be staff in their own house. If the host is having fun, sure, what excuse does anyone else have?”
Etiquette consultant Patricia Maybury, founder of The Etiquette Suite, shares her best advice for being a gracious guest this holiday season.
- Smile. Say ‘thank you’ and engage in conversation with other guests.
- Reply to an invite promptly. Waiting for a better offer is a real no-no. If you get an invitation, reply swiftly and graciously.
- Flag dietary requirements ahead of time. If your dietary preferences have changed in the past 12 months, call the host to let them know. You should also offer to bring a dish for yourself.
- Bring a gift. Something organic in nature is best – think a jar of local honey, a box of artisan chocolates, or a nice potted plant. Add a swing tag letting the host know who it’s from.
- Ask if you can help. And be prepared to do so!
- Send a thank-you card. Handwritten is preferred, though sometimes a simple text message will suffice.
- Arrive early. “It's polite to be 10 minutes late – not 15, but certainly 10,” Patricia tells me. If circumstances change unexpectedly, send a quick text explaining the situation and apologise.
- Drop in unannounced. The considerate thing to do is to send a message, allowing the recipient to accept, decline, or provide an alternative. “I think it's respectful to give people a heads-up,” Patricia agrees.
- Text at the table. “No phones at the table is an absolute must,” says Patricia. You should also always ask for consent before A) taking a photo and B) sharing it online.
- Talk about religion, politics, or money. Stick to safer topics like the locality or upcoming holiday plans.
- Overstay your welcome. The polite time to leave is 30 minutes after eating your main meal. According to Patricia, being the first to leave “shows social grace”.
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