Ask Audrey: 'I can’t be the only 43-year-old spinster looking for meaningless nooky'

Sorting out Cork people for ages

Ask Audrey: Do you know if there is a good app where I could hook up with a lad, tell me?

I never bothered having kids after seeing the way they ruined my sister’s life. Unfortunately I’ve allowed this Christmas tradition to develop where she drops her three sprogs over to me the Saturday before Christmas and gets mildly langers with her friends in Cask before picking them up in a taxi to go back to her hellish house. (She asked if I’d keep them overnight, talk about taking the piss.) 

Part of the tradition is that I give them their Christmas presents when they’re here, because myself and my partner are Lanzarote people on Christmas Day, and who could blame us? I asked my sister what will I get her eldest fella and she lost the rag completely, saying the least I could do was pick a present for my own nephew. (She called me a ‘useless bollocks’, my mother didn’t bring us up to talk like that.)