'This is my advice to brides to be – I learned the hard way with my own wedding'

Here’s everything Ciara Courtney wished she knew before her own big day – and how she learned the hard way with her own wedding

"I told her from now on, to resave my name as Franck Eggelhoffer in her phone (he was the Martin Short wedding planner from Father of the Bride) and that going forward I was happy to be her ‘go to’ friend for no nonsense, no bullshit bridal advice."

A friend of mine announced her engagement recently and asked my advice on the next steps when it comes to planning the big day. 

I tied the knot in May and as a result she felt I would be the right woman to ask for tips.

Before I knew it, I was rhyming out the do’s and don’ts of wedding planning. 

I told her from now on, to resave my name as Franck Eggelhoffer in her phone (he was the Martin Short wedding planner from Father of the Bride) and that going forward I was happy to be her ‘go to’ friend for no nonsense, no bullshit bridal advice.

So, if you are in the middle of wedding planning, or your big day is imminent, I am happy to share some of my experiences…

I told my friend that, quite simply, your wedding is about planning an event for other people, not a marriage; which if you think about it - how crazy is that?? 

From my own personal experience, when I reached that conclusion, the entire process became much easier for me.

Be prepared for the venue viewings

You will be asked what your budget is, when you want the big day to be, how many people will be in attendance, flowers, table arrangements, dinner preferences, accommodation requirements etc. 

We were a little naïve at the start and truly didn’t have any of those decisions made… so take my advice and arrive at your potential venue prepared so you are not wasting your own precious time.

As a result of being a little on the ‘underprepared’ side, we didn’t quite know what we wanted when we were initially viewing venues. 

After which my now husband and I sat down and decided what we actually wanted… this clearer vision enabled us to eliminate unsuitable venues and made it easier narrowing down our selection process to just a few potential venues. 

We decided we wanted a church wedding, lots of family and friends, good food and great music. After this, the venue came quite easily.

Decide what matters to YOU

This will become quite apparent quickly or maybe even from the outset. Personally, I slowly discovered what I really cared about and (more importantly) what I didn’t want. 

I wanted a beautiful dress (what bride doesn’t), my father to give me away and short speeches! Through your own wedding planning you will discover this for yourself.

This is an important one… It’s ok to change your mind. I got my make-up trial done a month before the wedding. I hated how it ended up. 

As the make-up artist waved me off with a ‘see you in a month’ farewell. I said internally ‘no you won’t.’ I couldn’t wait to get home and wash my face. 

I had already paid a deposit and usually the potential threat of losing money really doesn’t sit well with me but I was happy to cut ties on this occasion and move on. 

Pick your battles. If you aren’t happy don’t just settle.

It won’t be cheap

The moment the word wedding comes into the mix, prices skyrocket. So every penny matters. You have worked hard to pay for this so don’t forget that. 

Be clear to the venue, florist, photographer etc what you want and don’t want. Set a budget at the start and review it regularly to ensure you are still on track. 

This way you can stay on top of payments as they are required to be paid to take the pressure off in the run-up to the wedding. 

Organising everything in the run-up to your big day is enough without putting yourselves under unnecessary financial pressure too.

Trust the experts

Once you pick the right people that suit you both, you have to relinquish control. 

The truth of the matter is you won’t be able to have eyes and ears on everything, neither will your future husband or wife, immediate family or bridal party. 

They are also too much in the mix and on an adrenaline rush to control anything. 

If you are concerned about a certain aspect of the day, ask a cousin or a friend who will help as they aren’t as engrossed in the day as you or your nearest and dearest.

Photographs

If photographs aren’t your thing, you really don’t need hours and hours for it. Before our wedding so many couples said the photos took too long. 

I said ‘oh no… not ours, no way, we will have control over that.’ 

But the truth is, we didn’t. We were too mixed up in the rush of it all and never asked for the time once. 

We missed a good chunk of the mingling (we missed the entire drinks reception) which we now regret. 

So, don’t make our mistake and make a clear plan on how long you want to spend on photos. Also, lean into the fact that you will not get chatting to everyone. 

Your guests understand you are a little busy getting married so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get to speak to everyone. In fact, just make peace with the fact that you won’t.

You will be nervous

I was a little surprised at how nervous I was and also a bit stumped - not many brides actually told me this was going to happen. 

The night before our wedding, I drank tea with my parents and I went to bed at 10pm. 

I woke up however during the wee hours of the morning and couldn’t settle back to sleep. 

Just know the nerves are very normal and they will rear their head at some stage, but they will pass.

Drown out the noise

From the moment I got engaged, I was relentlessly targeted by a colleague and asked about my ‘wedding diet’ many times, even in front of colleagues. 

I tried to defend myself as much as possible but then realised that was what she wanted – a reaction. So, I learned quickly to ignore her. And that’s what you need to do - ignore, ignore, ignore! 

Ignore Instagram and all other nonsense out there about looking your best, losing 10 stone, getting flawless skin and getting veneers. 

I found the more I thought about all the things I had to do to achieve these ridiculous goals the more stressed I became. 

So, I switched it all off in my head and stuck to my usual daily skincare routine, stuck at the gym like I usually did, went to the dentist for a teeth cleaning and didn’t buy one wedding magazine. 

Oh, and I promise you at some point along the way you will consider Botox. If you feel you don’t want to do it, then don’t.

Honeymoon

We didn’t have a day two, we went on honeymoon instead. If you can, go on honeymoon as soon as possible to keep the momentum of your special day going and maximise your time away with the limited time you have off work. 

It was the best move we made. We headed off to Miami and Cancun and it turned out to be an unforgettable trip.

We were told so many times there are no rules, it’s your day, your way etc but in reality, a wedding runs exactly the same as the one before and the one that will follow after. 

It’s how you will feel as a couple that will dictate your day. If you feel relaxed, so will your guests. If you are dancing and filling the dancefloor, so will your guests. 

You will feel an overwhelming sense of love and be sure to take some breathers every now and then, take in the amount of people who showed up, who gave you both their time to be there with you and treasure the experience. 

Oh and one more thing.. Congratulations!