Bernard O'Shea: I am the un-coolest man in all of Ireland

How did I realise I am the un-coolest man in all of Ireland? Was it a gradual revelation, or did it hit me quickly like chronic indigestion after eating six petrol station rashers while travelling to a gig? Well, it wasn't either of those things, really...

Bernard O'Shea: "These days, my choice of footwear is built on one thing: arch support. Sure, my younger self might have mocked the idea of slipping into shoes that resemble something out of a geriatric ward, but my younger self was an idiot. I'll take comfort over cool any day (I bet James Dean never thought about insoles)." 

It happened last Saturday morning when I stood in the middle of a shopping centre, looking down at my feet, and realising I had bought orthopaedic shoes. The kind of shoes that scream 'arch support' but absolutely do not whisper "cool."

What exactly is it to be 'cool'? The phrase became common parlance in the 1930s when jazz musicians like Lester Young first used it to describe their laid-back, in-control, and effortlessly stylish style of music. It grew into a global phenomenon, shaping fashion, music, and culture.

Movie icon James Dean (1931-1955) and co-star Corey Allen (who later went on to direct 'Star Trek: The Next Generation') in a scene from the Warner Brothers movie 'Rebel Without A Cause'. (Photo by Keystone/Getty Images)

Cool, as we know it today, has been shaped into our minds by iconic figures who embodied the essence of not caring what anyone thought — because they didn't have to. Think James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause, Marilyn Monroe, the embodiment of sensual confidence, or even David Bowie, constantly reinventing himself yet always remaining steps ahead of everyone else. These icons set the bar for what it meant to be cool: bold, unafraid, and completely authentic.

But here's the thing about 'cool': it's elusive. It's not something you can buy or manufacture — it's bestowed. Cool is also fleeting. The people we look up to for setting the trends don't hold onto that status forever. And then there's those of us (like me) who never had that 'cool factor' to begin with anyway.

Somewhere along the way, I realised I might just be Ireland's un-coolest man. And guess what? I'm totally fine with it. In fact, I've come to embrace it. I'd love to eulogise here and tell you that I don't care what people think of me, that I'm impervious to the opinions of others. But that wouldn't be entirely true. The difference is that I've become a particular brand of uncool — the type that accepts it gracefully and sometimes not so gracefully.

Let me introduce you to the Four Middle-Aged Horsemen of Uncool, my guide to embracing and knowing when you are edging toward the opposite of 'cool'.

1. Footwear: Comfort Over Fashion

Let's start with the shoes. Remember those sharp, slick shoes the cool kids wear that say 'I'm stylish, and I have no idea what plantar fasciitis is'?

Yeah, those are not for me. 

These days, my choice of footwear is built on one thing: arch support. Sure, my younger self might have mocked the idea of slipping into shoes that resemble something out of a geriatric ward, but my younger self was an idiot. I'll take comfort over cool any day (I bet James Dean never thought about insoles)

2. The Beige Revolution: A Wardrobe for Comfort

Next up is my wardrobe — what I affectionately call the Beige Revolution. I used to care about clothes. There were days when I'd rock skinny jeans paired with a statement T-shirt, topped off with a jacket that screamed 'I'm trying too hard'. Those days are long gone. Now, I dress for the practicalities of life — my outfits are comfortable, low-maintenance, and, most importantly, beige.

3. Skipping 'Must-Be-Seen-At' Events Because of parking and traffic

Remember when the idea of not attending a concert was unthinkable? Well, that was before I understood the horror of traffic. Whenever I'm invited to some 'must-be-seen-at' event, I calculate how much time I'll spend in traffic, how far away the parking is (if there is parking), and whether there's a handy takeaway on the way home. These days, I'd rather skip the 'must see' and 'be seen' event altogether if it also means avoiding the frustration of traffic.

4. The Call of Bedtime

And finally, my pièce de résistance: the desperate desire to stay in and go to bed early. There was a time when I prided myself on my ability to stay out late, to be the life of the party or at least the last one standing. Those days are over. Now, my idea of an exciting night out is to realise that I can be home by 10pm, with the kettle on and my slippers (I've recently bought a pair of indoor shoes, which are slightly more cooler than slippers … well I thinks so). There's no bigger thrill than a night of uninterrupted sleep.

For me, embracing my uncool status has been the most liberating experience of my life. I wear my orthopaedic shoes and beige trousers, and I'm home in bed by 10pm, happily uncool.

Cool is fleeting, but uncool is forever — and I wouldn't have it any other way.