Diary of a Gen Z Student: My mind games are all part of the modern dating dance 

Trinity College student and Irish Examiner columnist Jane Cowan photographed at her home in County Meath. Photo: Barry Cronin

Dating someone new can be a funny experience. 

This total stranger suddenly becomes a character in your life while you’re slowly unravelling some questions of who this new character is, you’ve got to put in some effort.

But I do feel, as a girl, I tend to have the upper hand, when it comes to answering those questions, in any romantic endeavours.

When it comes to trying to understand a 20-year-old guy, I find the process fairly straightforward.

It’s a matter of figuring out their hobbies, what football team they support, their favourite band.

Boys tend to make their intentions pretty clear.

If they like you, you’ll probably know about it.

But that’s just not the case when it comes to the fairer sex. We are a little more difficult to figure out.

Sure, you can ask me about my hobbies; that’s easy. But where boys tend to struggle, is deciphering how we girls communicate.

The gap between what I’m saying and what I really mean, exists for a reason.

YOU'RE BEING TESTED

You’re being tested. I think that goes for all girls, especially in the early days of a dalliance.

If you take what I’m saying at face value, the romance will likely be short lived.

It’s Girlhood 101. We can’t just tell you what we’re really thinking. The mind games are all part of the dance that is dating. I don’t want you to know the hand I’ve got.

I can’t make things that easy for you. Because Prince Charming would always know exactly what his princess is thinking.

And we don’t want to settle for less than that. I pity the lads, honestly. If they could get those little heads around a few basics of the female psyche, life would be much simpler for them.

So, for the sake of public service, gather round: I’m about to let you in on a few secrets.

Firstly — and this one should really be obvious — if you ask a girl if she’s okay, and she responds by saying ‘I’m fine’, you are not supposed to believe that.

‘Fine’ is probably the last thing she is, but you’re supposed to know that intuitively.

You can try the whole ‘I’m not psychic’ argument if you like.

But I challenge you to find a woman that is happy to accept that excuse. In the meantime, you might find more success if you look into upgrading those mind reading skills.

You must also know what we’re saying when we ask if you want dessert after dinner, or a coffee, or whatever it is. It’s an invitation, not an
enquiry.

Roughly translated, this means ‘I want dessert, but I don’t want to have it on my own’. So, you can say ‘no’, but beware that you have just caused irrevocable disappointment. Because eating ice cream solo is simply not the same.

There’s also the old ‘No, we can split the bill’, on the first date. Well, yes. We can split the bill. As long as you’re aware that splitting the bill puts a second date in jeopardy. I will be consulting the girls’ group chat on the matter when I get home.

They will not be impressed by us going Dutch on the first date. Feminism hasn’t gotten that far yet.

THIS ISN'T A PROBLEM-SOLVING EXERCISE

Another cornerstone of the female psyche is knowing how to react when I’m complaining about something. All I’m doing, is looking for you to agree with me.

I want you to join me in my downward spiral. Don’t try to share any sort of helpful advice. This isn’t a problem-solving exercise.

All I want is to be told I’m right for complaining about how much reading I’ve been assigned in college on a given week.

I don’t need to be told that I should try to do that reading more than two hours in advance of my seminar.

That’s not the point.

I can sense the rolling eyes reading this article. How does anyone expect such unreasonable standards to be met? I don’t know what to tell you, don’t shoot the messenger.

This is far bigger than me. The enigmatic communication of women is an age-old practice.

Maybe things would be easier if we were honest. But our ambiguity has gotten the human race this far.

And who am I to stray from tradition?