Diary of a Gen Z Student: There's the jocks, the nerds, the drama kids... the college society you join can tell a lot

To my great disappointment, none of the GAA players look quite like Paul Mescal in their micro mini GAA shorts and silver chain necklaces

Trinity College student Jane Cowan photographed at her home in Dunshaughlin, County Meath. Picture: Barry Cronin

I remember walking into my first day of secondary school. Past the convoy of school buses parked outside, through the automatic doors beside reception, into the main assembly hall, my 12-year-old self, about to tip backwards with the weight of my school bag, bursting at the seams. 

Then, surveying my peers, I took note of all the cliques. The sporty ones passing around a basketball, the emos swapping eyeliner and avoiding the sun, the musicians running their hands through their hair, debating if they’re a Lennon or a McCartney, and the nerdy ones worrying about whether they’ve remembered a spare battery for their calculator. I was part of the latter cohort, if you hadn’t already put that together. It’s the same thing in schools across the country. We slot ourselves into these categories at rapid speed, adopting the character traits that come with it.

You’d think it’s something that gets you through the torture that is secondary school and remains in the assembly hall when you get into college. You would be mistaken. Sure, the cliques undergo some transformation when they hit higher education. But what no one tells you about college societies is that they’re these cliques, rebranded. And the society that someone takes part in is an excellent way of figuring out who they are. Allow me to explain.

Those in a sport society are a very particular breed. It’s not just a society, it’s a lifestyle. The rugby lads are easy to pick out of a crowd. Always sipping on a protein shake, probably chomping on a raw chicken fillet between lectures. Because ‘It’s like, uh, bulking season, bro.’ And ‘Have you seen the macros on this? Absolute carnage, lad.’ They’re probably complaining about the fact that they can’t find jeans big enough to fit their massive quads into. And then they’ll gasp when I tell them I don’t watch the Six Nations.

In a similar vein, the guys playing GAA will make their athleticism known. They tend to open conversations by mentioning that they ‘play county’ back home, in Longford or Roscommon, or one of those counties I’m not entirely sure actually exists. They’ve clearly taken a lot of inspiration from ‘Normal People’. But to my great disappointment, none of them look quite like Paul Mescal in their micro mini GAA shorts and silver chain necklaces. It really is a cruel world.

I have serious respect for those in the environmental society. Wearing underwear made from bamboo and orange peels. Now, that’s what I call commitment to the aesthetic; there’s no way that’s comfortable or gynaecologist approved. And because they’re all part time vegans, there’s probably a fermented mushroom tea somewhere on their person. You’ve got to stay fuelled if you’re going to reverse climate change, one pair of knickers at a time. It’s got to be a lot of pressure. It’s no wonder they need to book those flights to some ecological reserve to get away from it all. I mean, it’s not their fault when the flights are €50 return. God love them.

Then there’s the drama kids, saying they watched their first Shakespeare when they were eight and it changed their life. Really, it was more like watching Hannah Montana and fancying the idea of themselves in a blonde wig. We all did it, I’m not judging.

The debate team are diligent, get their assignments in on time. Future lawyers and such. They love a good argument. So, it’s the perfect outlet for all of their pent up ‘I’m right and you’re wrong’ energy. What’s not to love?

And when it comes to chess club, I’ve got questions. I’ve never met someone who openly admits to being part of it. Probably not great for your reputation. But I’ve heard the rumours about chess club. The chlamydia rates in that society alone are said to keep the college health service going. So, on behalf of the student body, we thank you for your service.

Look, I’m sure there’s some exceptions to these rules. Some of those environmentalists probably drink a regular cuppa from time to time. But I’ve not received confirmation to that effect. You may be curious, what society am I a part of? Well, that’s a secret I can’t tell. But if you see me walking around with massive quads and a raw chicken fillet, mind your business. Bulking season is no joke.