Diary of a Gen Z student: I love a night out as much as the next student, but sometimes my wallet - and my liver - need a break

Trinity College student and Irish Examiner columnist Jane Cowan photographed at her home in Dunshaughlin, County Meath. Photo: Barry Cronin

I pride myself on many things: my great taste in music, my outrageous sense of humour, my winning personality, and my saintly humility (as I’m sure you can tell).

Along with those qualities, I take great pride in my ability to worm my way out of a night out, whenever necessary. I know, I know. I’m young and free. 

My evenings should consist of tequila shots, kissing the wrong boys, letting my hair down on some dance floor, and staying out late enough to catch the sunrise. And I love a night out as much as the next girl, but I have my limits. Sometimes, I need a night off.

Huddling in a squat-adjacent student kitchen, sharing one chair between eight people, while peculiar cocktails are concocted with whatever was on offer for Tesco club card members that day, requires a very particular attitude.

An attitude I don’t always have the mental capacity to muster. You have to pretend the overflowing bin bag in the corner isn’t emitting some sort of radioactive odour.

The flatmate attempting to warm their pot noodles over the heat of a flickering lamp, must be left to do so in peace. All while the organisms growing in the fridge are left to multiply.

To get through the pre-stage of the night out takes at least six of those mystery cocktails.

And considering students would be liable to use last night’s bath water as a mixer, I’d rather take a night off the rocket fuel, from time to time. My body is a temple after all. 

And this is before you’ve even been exposed to 40-somethings throwing shapes (their backs out) in the club. We all know how I feel about that. Stealing the innocence of our young people.

There are a few things I can do to save myself from the treachery, when I find myself needing a night out detox. I’ve become quite an expert on this stuff.

Sure, you could try good old fashioned honesty about being tired and having a 9am lecture the following day. But you need to remember your audience.

These are students. They don’t have a serious job to hold down or mouths to feed.

Excuses such as having a 9am start the following morning are not going to compute. Those aren’t reasons to skip the night out.

In fact, your pounding head will be the perfect excuse to miss that 9am lecture. You tear up a dance floor and have a reason to lie in, the following morning. The logic may be flawed, but in the mind of a student, that’s the 9am lecture problem solved.

You want to come up with something that your nightclub-addicted peers can’t argue with.

If you’ve got to rely on public transport to get there, you’ve always got the old ‘my bus was cancelled’ to fall back on. Knowing Dublin Bus and Bus Éireann, you’re probably not lying.

And you can’t be expected to trek to a night out in the inevitably miserable weather.

If there’s one thing to be said about the relentless rain we experience, at the very least, it’s a great excuse to stay in.

What if it’s not raining, you ask? We’re in Ireland. Stop asking stupid questions.

You may prefer the road less travelled, the excuse less excused. In that case, ‘I’ve got to have dinner with my grandad’ is a personal favourite. 

Who’s going to question you on it, tell you to leave the guy to his own devices, reject the man that supplied you with €5notes and secret chocolate bars for the first 18 years of your existence? Congrats!

Peg the kettle on, throw an episode of The Office on, you’ve got yourself a quiet night in.

If those fail, the cost of the night out alone should be excuse enough. Sorry, I can’t afford the €10 pints, €15 cocktails, €20 nightclub entry, and €50 taxi tonight.

Sold my first-born for last week’s nightclub extravaganza. There are some pot noodles and a lukewarm lamp with my name on them at home. Might run myself a bath, while I’m at it.

Get a head start on tomorrow’s cocktails. Because you’re in college, you can only get away with missing nights out for so long.

You’ll have to get comfortable on that eighth of a chair. Eventually.