My Saturday with Úna Crawford O'Brien: Challenges of supporting loved one with Alzheimer's
Úna Crawford O'Brien and Bryan Murray, ambassadors for the annual Alzheimer's Tea Day.
I get up at 10am every Saturday. I check my calendar because Bryan is always saying ‘yes’ to things and you wouldn’t know what I might have put into the diary three weeks prior. I use a calendar on my phone, have a calendar in the kitchen and a white board in the bedroom – this is the first thing Bryan sees when he wakes up so he can see what’s happening.
Bryan never liked breakfast in bed when I first met him but now he loves it, so I make him his breakfast and bring it up to him. He was advised to do word searches and now he’s addicted to them.
He will be five years diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in May – he used to be able to do them quickly, now it takes him quite a while, but he thoroughly enjoys it so it doesn’t really matter how long it takes him.
When we have our elevenses I’ll have coffee and Bob, our dog, will know it’s time for his treat too. Bryan loved coffee but now he doesn’t drink it.
Whether he doesn’t remember he loved it, I don’t know, but he doesn’t like it anymore. I don’t get to relax and do nothing often, so when it comes to my cup of coffee I like to sit down, read, knit or look out at the garden.
I am an avid knitter. I love knitting little jumpers, tunics and dolls for my granddaughter Georgia (2). It’s therapeutic because you can’t concentrate on anything else when you’re knitting.
Georgia will usually come over for an hour or two – we have great fun and Bryan adores her.
I broke my foot and ankle last November so things have changed drastically. We’d normally go for a walk along the Dodder and have coffee or lunch but I can’t walk very far anymore.
It’s slowly coming back but our walks have been put on hold because of that which is frustrating because I’m usually a fast and busy walker.
The realisation of my injury didn’t strike Bryan – even though I was in plaster and couldn’t go up or down the stairs. I think it might have disimproved the situation somewhat.
It was complicated and it made me realise how important it is that I’m ok in order to look after him. Bryan goes walking with Bob every day – I have an Apple AirTag in his wallet and all the people in the locality know him and keep an eye out.
It’s pick and mix when it comes to lunch on a Saturday here. I might be out in the garden and then realise it’s 4pm and I’m starving. Bryan likes soup and he can heat that for himself with some bread.
The only time we work on Saturdays is on bank holiday weekends or if we are preparing scripts for the coming week. Because we both love our jobs it doesn’t feel like work.
Bryan hasn’t been at work for a while – he’s back in May. He is still perfectly able to read and mark up scripts and so on – he can’t learn them but he loves reading them.
Bryan is really well looked after when he’s working on Fair City. It’s been five years since he was diagnosed and he’s still working.
How long that will continue no one knows as the Alzheimer’s is getting worse, but he’ll do it as long as he possibly can, I’ll facilitate him as long as I possibly can – as long as Fair City will have us of course!
I enjoy going around the supermarket, and Bryan loves shopping too, so usually we’d go and get something nice for dinner and a bottle of wine.
Familiarity is best for him – he might take a dislike to something the minute we’d walk into a restaurant so it’s just easier to eat at home.
We still entertain, but now it is mainly family and in small numbers - Bryan gets frustrated by large numbers. I think it’s to do with sound. I love cooking and entertaining.
For Easter I had my sons, their partners and my granddaughter over and Bryan loved that. He is familiar with him and they with him.
Bryan loves the fire and will sit beside it and watch TV. He might get bored of it after a while because he is not able to follow the storyline, but he is ok with that and he’ll say ‘I’m off to bed’ – that could be 8.30 or 9pm.
I enjoy my rubbish programmes when Bryan’s gone to bed. I’ll take myself off to bed around 10/ 10.30pm. It’s pretty exhausting caring for someone with Alzheimer’s – all the questions and repetition – anybody will tell you the same thing.
Bryan has a big clock that tells him if it’s pre-dawn if he wakes up during the night. I will conk out but I could wake up in the middle of the night worrying about the next day - that’s the reality of it.
- This year marks the 30th anniversary of Alzheimer’s Tea Day. Register to host a Tea Day event on Thursday, May 2 at teaday.ie.
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