Bernard O'Shea: Is 36 the best year of your life?

Thirty-six is the age when you might finally get your head out of your ass — but it's so far up there you can see what you had for breakfast

Bernard O'Shea. Photograph Moya Nolan

Thirty-six is the age when you finally get your head out of your ass — but it was so far up there you can see what you had for breakfast.

That’s not just a colourful observation; it’s a socio-psychological fact. So what’s so magical about this number? What ancient sorcery does the number 36 hold that suddenly transforms us from wide-eyed novices of life into enlightened sages of savvy and self-assurance?

I’ll admit, the first time I heard about 36 being the zenith of life, I choked on my cornflakes. Why? Surely the peak would at least involve a cape or the ability to speak Italian fluently through osmosis.

The exploration of scientific evidence has never been so delightful — or so dreadfully misinterpreted — by me. But credible sources such as psychologists and large-scale studies suggest that by 36, we’ve gotten the knack of this whole ‘adulting’ business.

A survey by YouGov asserts that 36 is the ideal age, where self-assurance and financial security converge like some superpower.

Historically, if you hit 36, you’d be dodging the Grim Reaper and preparing to make a small donation to the family lineage.

Nowadays, you’re likely to take selfies with the fear of mortality in a well-lit room of existential contemplation, captioned: #PeakAge #Blessed.

The practical explanation of how to hit the sweet spot at 36 is like finding the perfect temperature in a shower — it’s a delicate dance. \\When I turned 36, I never expected a spiritual awakening or a lightning bolt of wisdom.

Instead, I got a slight backache and realised I no longer recognised any musicians on the radio. It’s like life suddenly turned the volume down on all the nonsense.

But in my line of work, what I think is ‘nonsense’ can be pivotal to holding down your job. That is why so many of us chase the Dorian Gray factor, hoping that pretending to like music that sounds like a badly hinged car door is ‘cool’.

It is as if you are in your early 20s, but sneakily listening to classic rock when no one is around.

But it’s not just about learning to use TikTok’s native editing tools without swearing, or choosing the cereal for its fibre content. No, being 36 is about realising that those shades of grey in life (not the book, calm down) mean something. It’s about being less frustrated with the ups and downs because you’ve seen this episode before and know the hero survives.

Turning 36 doesn’t mean you get the keys to the universe. But it might mean you stop losing your car keys so much. It’s the year when the vague becomes vivid, and the restless become restful. It’s when your emotional intelligence might overtake your IQ, and your heart starts wearing those smarty pants.

As I ponder my life, I raise a toast to 46 (two years away for me) — the year I finally understand why we can’t have nice things because we can’t be trusted not to ruin them. I will stand on the precipice of true adulthood and say, “Well, it’s all downhill from here, but at least I’m enjoying the view”, and when I’m 46, I will repeat the same trick about turning 56.

We are constantly reminded age is just a number, but 36? That’s a whole new level. So embrace it if you are and laugh about it if you are not, and for the love of all that is holy, try not to take it too seriously.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that life doesn’t come with a manual — it comes with a sense of humour and the knowledge that, eventually, your children will stop destroying every surface with solid-set Weetabix.

But there might be a trick to feeling like you’re 36 all the time.

Last year, a career coach introduced me to a self-awareness tool — writing letters to my past and future selves. It’s about setting milestones for the future and reflecting on the past with newfound wisdom.

These heartfelt and honest letters serve as an emotional outlet and a life audit, aligning daily actions with long-term aspirations. Regularly revisiting these letters keeps you on your path, using lessons learned to nurture continual growth.

So here’s to 36, where wisdom knows life’s a joke — but crucially, you’re in on it.