'Being a solo mum by choice is the best decision I ever made'

Solo mum by choice Nicole Murphy has made it her business to make meal times manageable with her ingenious Magneplan

Having a family of her own felt like “an imperative”, Nicole says, recalling the great childhood she and her three siblings enjoyed. 

When Nicole Murphy was 35 she promised herself that on the night of her 39th birthday, she’d make a decision – on whether to continue dating, or to start a family of her own.

As it happened, Nicole, now 50, had a date that night. 

“It was our third date. I cancelled. There were already a few red flags and I felt it wasn’t worth taking a risk on, putting my children off for.” 

Now an SMBC (solo mum by choice) to eight-year-old twins Will and Maya, she recalls that pivotal birthday night. 

“I put the children first even though they didn’t exist yet.” 

Having a family of her own felt like “an imperative”, she says, recalling the great childhood she and her three siblings enjoyed. 

“For me, family is the centre of the universe. It’s what life is. I couldn’t imagine a future without a family. I had a very strong imperative that I wanted to do this. I felt I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try.” 

Nicole’s birthday is close to Christmas and over that holiday period, she told close family about her decision. 

“They all said the same thing: ‘You’d make a great mother, you’re a natural’. My family was golden, even the older generation. The oldest is in the UK – she sends me a card every month, with ‘clever girl’ or ‘well done’.” 

Nicole began that New Year with a phone call to Sims IVF in Dublin. She feels lucky she acted when she did. “I had fertility issues.” 

Six rounds of IUI failed – she used donor sperm, her own eggs. She got pregnant once, only to miscarry. It was the toughest moment – but also empowering.

When I had the miscarriage, I was on my own – the baby was coming and I caught it. It was my lowest moment. But I said if I can do this on my own, I can carry my children – and I can rear them on my own. At my worst moment, I became my strongest.” 

After the sixth failed IUI, it was time, she says, to “step up a gear” – go for IVF. When – just before implantation – the already-gowned medic came to ask Nicole if she wanted one or two embryos implanted, she had her answer ready. 

She’d had a dream in which she’d had twins, “a boy and girl with curly brown hair…I’d always felt in my gut I was going to have twins”.

From start to end of fertility treatment, her babies were three-and-a-quarter years in the making, she says – and having them is the absolute best decision of her life.

But long before she got pregnant – at the very start of her fertility treatment – Nicole had been taking the responsibility of eventual, hoped-for single parenthood very seriously. 

“I felt a huge responsibility. I [would be] one person carrying the load of two. I didn’t want my children to be deprived of my time and energy – I wanted to protect this for them and not be depleted.” 

Then a project manager working across a few departments in a Dublin bank, she began applying the skills she’d developed in her job to her home life, to how she “could do it more efficiently”. In the lunch canteen, she asked colleagues who were parents what their day’s crunch point was.

“Every parent I spoke to said 6-7pm was the most stressful time. They were getting home from work, tired, kids swinging out of them, trying to get dinner sorted and giving the kids attention at the same time. It was like Piccadilly Circus, they said.

“I knew I needed a plan to make this hour as automatic as possible. Meal planning was key because it reduces the need to think about what’s for dinner, the shopping, the spending, the cooking, and the cleaning up!” 

Nicole Murphy with her twins Maya and Will.

It all dovetailed beautifully with a mission Nicole had set herself decades earlier while au-pairing in Germany. 

“Unlike in Ireland at the time, I saw people eating different meals every day. They had such variety. It was a big eye-opener. I said to myself when I have my own family I’m going to be able to do 30 dinners. When I came back to Ireland, I started teaching myself and working up to 30 dinners.” 

Years on, with family on her mind and decades of trialling myriads of recipes behind her, Nicole created Magneplan – a magnetic meal-planner display system. 

“I started getting all my go-to-recipes together and created a meal planner. I summarised all the recipes on homemade magnetic cards, categorised them by colour to ensure good meal rotation and to avoid getting stuck in a rut, and made a magnetic board to display them all.

“When others saw my planner, they wanted one too, so I started making them for family and friends. Soon, I was inundated with orders.” 

Nicole has now taken redundancy from her job. She has put an industrial design patent in place to protect the intellectual property of her idea, and she has created the Magneplan Starter Pack. 

It contains 49 of the most popular dishes cooked in Ireland and the UK today – this she based on Bord Bia research: ‘The Evening Meal Diary Survey, What Ireland ate last night’ 2020 report.

The magnetic tiles of the planner contain the ingredients, method, and timings in text speak (Nicole “didn’t want an essay or any fluff”). There are also nine extra cards for easy nights like ‘Raid the Fridge’ and ‘Order Takeaway.’ In Nicole’s own life, the Magneplan has given her structure. 

“Most people at 4.30pm are thinking ‘What’ll I do for dinner?’ But once you’ve dinner sorted, everything else goes smoothly.

"Using the planner saved me €200 per month as a single person, reduced food waste dramatically and gave me a few nights off cooking. It’s about getting organised so you can claw back time, money, and headspace for the fun stuff in life.” 

Magneplan founder Nicole using the magnetic board with her son, Will.

That time and happy family life go hand-in-hand is something Nicole learned especially from her dad. 

“He had a business, he worked full-time but he was very hands-on with us in the evenings and at the weekend. He’d take us camping, to the beach. The best thing he gave us was his time, which injected us with energy for life.” 

When it comes to early-stage female entrepreneurs across European countries, Ireland has the third-highest rate. This is according to a recent Global Entrepreneurship Monitor (GEM) Women’s Entrepreneurship Report. 

But for mums starting up businesses, there are particular challenges, says National Women’s Enterprise Day (NWED) chair Breege Cosgrave.

“Fear of failure’s still out there. In particular, early-stage mums starting up businesses have a lot of emotion and an aversion to risk, especially if they’re single women and the burden of responsibility falls entirely on them.” 

On the plus side, women entrepreneurs are increasingly engaging in training. “Uptake by women is very high, increasing to 60% of all our training by 2020.” 

More women are also putting NWED on their calendars. “In 2022, 1,085 attended. We’re anticipating even higher numbers this year,” confirms Cosgrave.

• NWED 2023 takes place on Thursday, October 19. Local Enterprise Offices nationwide have identified female ambassadors, who’ll provide inspiration to women considering starting a business. For what’s happening near you, click here.
• Shop via magneplan.com and follow on Instagram: @magne.plan

- If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please click here for a list of support services.