Richard Hogan: What is the deal with voice notes? Is monologue the new dialogue?

'Have we had enough of talking to each other, that we now require uninterrupted and undisturbed monologue time to interact with the interlocuter in our rambling soliloquy.' Picture: Yui Mok/PA Wire

Are we reaching the end of the art of conversation?

What the hell is the deal with voice notes? Now, I know I’m not particularly drenched in youth any longer, but I’m no Victor Meldrew either. That reference is probably the most middle-aged thing I’ve ever said. Damn. 

But, seriously — voice notes. Have we had enough of talking to each other, that we now require uninterrupted and undisturbed monologue time to interact with the interlocuter in our rambling soliloquy. And rambling it is.

Do we no longer care for conversation with people? We have things to say and by God, we don’t need others getting in the way of saying it. Is that reciprocal process of feedback too much for us now? Monologue is the new dialogue.

But I refuse to play the game. Where are we going with all of this? We’re surrounded with inanimate mindless voices — “place the bag in the bagging area”. 

It’s particularly unsettling when you’re the only one walking around a supermarket at night and the machine randomly offers “thank you” to no one at all. 

You suddenly become aware of your isolation. I go through some sort of doomsday pretence, frantically shoving the Jammie Dodgers into the basket. That will keep us going in this post-apocalyptic landscape.

Soon, there will be zero contact between any of us. It won’t be pretence, human contact will be a novel thing. Voice notes are replacing phone calls. 

In fact, voice calls, I have been informed, are seen as a bit creepy by this younger generation. I ask them about it, and they laugh and tell me “God no — I wouldn’t answer if someone called me, weird”. 

What the hell is happening? Or maybe I have just come into contact with the fact that I’m out of tune with this younger generation. 

Maybe that’s what voice notes are bringing up for me, the bloody voice note signals my reluctant exit from the hip, cool lounge and now I’m waiting with all the other flannel-clad trouser fools with memories of dial-up internet connection, to depart.

Communication has always been a tricky old business. I often shanked it home, especially if I had a decent pair of rubber dollies and the beour was in good form. 

I understand that trends in communication come and go. Vernacular moves like the ocean. The voice note is just another trend. 

Texting is now confined to intimate relationships. When a relationship moves to texting things are serious. Chapel bells can be heard.

Snapchat is the new conduit for teenagers to casually interact with each other. Messages are designed to disappear, unless you’re one of those who screenshot it, and that brings all sorts of derision from your peer group. 

So, it’s all constructed to be thrown away and without meaning. Symbols, too, have moved from the confines of the maths classroom into modern dating lexicon. 

Snapchat is the new conduit for teenagers to casually interact with each other. Picture: iStock

The old triangle no longer goes jingle jangle, it’s now used in its current iteration as an image of a three-person relationship. Fans of ‘Love Island’ will be all too aware of what a triangled relationship looks like. 

Even though, this generation thinks they invented the triangled relationship, Romeo was well ensconced in one with Juliet and Paris. Troy, too, fell because Helen, Paris and Menelaus couldn’t work out their triangle. Many a triangle brought an empire to its knees.

Relationships have also changed. Somehow this generation has managed to redefine what a relationship is. A relationship that isn’t a relationship is now described as a ‘situationship’. 

This means you can kiss someone else with impunity and without fear of recrimination, or being labelled a ‘cheater’. Nope. No labels, please. It was only a situationship, relax.

These kids and their vernacular. 

For a group that do not believe in labels, they have relabelled the labels that they found too restricting. Genius. 

This recycling of labels is an interesting feature of the modern world of teenage communication. They are very opposed to the idea of labels, and yet they label everything. 

We are all in a constant dance of communication. We cannot not communicate. This generation of teenagers communicate though their phones. 

Everything is abbreviated and instantaneous. They are bombarded with constant information. Is it any wonder they like to reduce it to an emoji or symbol. 

In my day, oh dear I said it, you had to be pretty sophisticated in the art of communication if you stood any chance of dating.

The old furtive eye, the nonchalant glance, the chat, and if your chat was somehow good enough, you might make it past that awkward no man’s land of early interaction and perhaps even secure a date. 

I often ask young men, would they chat to a girl they liked in a bar. They stare incredulously at me; it’s always a resounding “no”. 

The fear of being labelled a ‘sex pest’ too terrifying. Dating today has moved to apps. 

The constant scrolling and flicking right or left, makes people easily discarded. If they don’t meet the criteria you have set in your profile, be gone ‘John19’ and your love of country music, a Stetson hat wouldn’t suit my new dress anyway. 

How many of us knew what we were looking for as we dared tread the boards of romantic expression? Few. 

This constant need to abbreviate and match people exactly to interests reduces people, and makes dating some sort of exact transaction.

Communication has always moved and changed with the times. But voice notes. No thank you, I’d rather talk. I’m old-fashioned like that.

• Richard joins ieParenting Editor, Irene Feighan, as her guest on the Growing Pains podcast next week, where they explore in detail the topic of bullying.