Amy Huberman: 'Even though I knew it was coming, it was a goodbye I was never going to be ready for'

'Perhaps that’s self-preservation for humans; why would we want to pre-empt or begin to understand that grief?'

Sun, 25 Jun, 2023 - 17:52

Mary Cate Smith

My early life was wheelies on BMX’s, making dens with my brothers, making mixed tapes for brothers’ friends that never felt the same way, and bunking off school to watch Scott and Charlene get married (this way I could watch it at 1.30 and the repeat at 6.30). It was playing ‘elastics’ out on the road, it was summers trying to survive hypothermia in Rosslare. I’m grateful to my parents for providing a playground for our youth, but I’m grateful for them setting boundaries too.

Really annoyingly, my earliest memory is standing up in my cot and switching the main light in my room on and then peering around the corner to my parents’ room to wait for one of them to get up and come down to me and turn it off. I say annoyingly, but that was for them; I, on the other hand, was having great craic. I’m still partial to a repeat gag.

Mini Amy had the same disposition as I have. I was always a positive person, was always partial to some melodrama (cue enjoying a career as an actor), and always loved potential craic.

I lost my Dad last year and it was like this one major thing in life, one of the only certainties (along with those taxes) and came as a massive surprise and shock to me. Perhaps that’s self-preservation for humans; why would we want to pre-empt or begin to understand that grief? Even though I knew it was coming, it was a goodbye I was never going to be ready for.

I’ve had personal work achievements that I have loved and enjoyed so much. If you had told me as a kid that I would write three bestselling novels when I was older, or star in shows that I love I would have shouted “pinch me!” But my three mini productions (my three children) I would say are my proudest achievements. They are absolutely cuter than anyone else’s kids. (sorry to all the other kids)

I am a glass-half-full person. I watched something recently where someone said “I want to live a life of silly joy!” and I thought ‘me too!”. That is absolutely not to say I’m not committed and serious about things that demand that. But I always said about my Dad that he took the big commitments in life seriously, but he saw the fun in the every day, and I do think I’m like him in that way.

I feel very, very lucky to have a crew of people around me that I trust implicitly. My husband, my mum and brothers, and my friends. I would go to them separately depending on what I knew I needed to hear in that moment; honesty, reality, support, or just a good old-fashioned feather fluffing big-up; sort of like fluffing up a wilted cushion. Sometimes we just need a big-up.

Just ‘say yes’ (unless it involves impromptu fringes, or maybe bungee jumps). We are here for such a short time; say yes to the things you have a curiosity about. Try not to make decisions based on fear. I’d love to pass some of that on, although I still have to tell myself to do the same sometimes.

Speak your truth, then make your peace [is the greatest advice I’ve ever been given]. I also don’t like to harbour resentment; confront something then let it go into the universe and try to move forward. It takes up so much energy otherwise. And also don’t put wool in a regular wash cycle unless your Sylvanian Families rabbit needs a new jumper.

I would like to be remembered as someone who lived their life, who laughed and loved, and hopefully, someone who was kind.

[I’d change] the impromptu fringe. And the jumper in the 40-degree spin cycle.

There was a time in my life when I did think the trajectory of what was to come lay solely with decisions you made there and then. But that is a scary way to live your life and you can often live with so much indecision if you’re afraid to go one way or another. I think the best you can do is make the decision with all the information and gut feeling you have at the time and move on. It’s easy to look back and think you’d do something differently, but you are looking from a different viewpoint than where you stood when you made that initial choice.

Climate change has changed how I think about shopping. I will always try to try to include ethical and sustainable slow fashion. I would never order something for next-day delivery. And I try to look at the one-time use landfill crap we really don’t need but sometimes feels like the easier option.

I can walk in platform heels for hours. I could walk from Donegal to Wexford in those bad boys.

If you are open to it, life continues to unravel the unexpected.

Not having enough snacks at hand scares me. Or if I think I’m eating at 6 and it becomes 8pm. My sugar levels dip quickly. I need to carry more baguettes around in my handbag, to be honest.

I really wanted to get into animation when I was younger. I don’t think I was ever really good enough, but who knows if I’d stuck at it. I don’t have too much free time these days with a young family but I like to think I’ll return to art in some form down the line.